Love that kills
by fiery-icicles
Summary: The pilots are getting married! 1x5 and 3x4. But Duo feels abandoned and he is afraid to love since all those he loved ended up dying. When wedding preparations are taking place, will Duo be able to cope with his loneliness? 2x? [another pilot?] R&R!
1. engaged!

Disclaimer: NO, sadly I do not own GW.  
  
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"DUO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Quatre looked up from where he was sitting in the kitchen, drinking his tea, his blond hair mussed and his robe five-sizes too big. Chuckling, he turned back to the newspaper that he was reading. Looks like Duo had managed to annoy Wufei again. And this early in the morning?  
  
The American pilot came running into the room, his messy braid trailing behind him, amethyst eyes sparkling with good humor. Laughing maniacally, he ducked behind Quatre's chair and attempted to hide his obviously larger frame behind Quatre's small one.  
  
"What did you do now, Duo?" Quatre asked chuckling at Duo's pretend stealth.  
  
"Hush. I'm hiding." Duo snapped back but one could hear the amusement in his voice.  
  
"DUO!" The said annoyed pilot strode in, his raven hair falling on either side of his face as he irritably pushed it back.   
  
"I know your there, baka! Stop hiding and come here." Wufei snapped, his cheeks tinged pink.  
  
"I'm hiding, I'm hiding, you can't see me…" Duo sang softly, swaying in his crouch. Quatre muffled his laughter with one polite hand as Wufei glared behind him.  
  
"Duo…" The Chinese pilot growled in warning. Duo peeked out from the side of Quatre's chair and gave him a wide grin.  
  
"Ah, come on, Wu. You look good with your hair down!" Duo said, bouncing over to Wufei. "Also, you know, Heero likes it this way." He added slyly.  
  
If Wufei was pink before, he was positively cherry red. Quatre snickered, nodding in agreement.  
  
"He's right." A deep voice said from behind. Heero walked up to them and put his arms around Wufei's waist, pulling him back against the solid chest. "I do like it this way." He murmured, burying his face in the sweet smelling hair.  
  
Wufei flushed, but made no move to get out of the embrace. Duo on the other hand was getting all dreamy-eyed on him.  
  
"Awww! Kawaii!" He squealed, grinning like a loon. Bringing the hand that held the Wufei's hair band, he snapped it. "There! You wont be needing that anymore."  
  
Wufei opened his mouth to protest and started to get free of Heero's embrace when Heero's arms tightened and held him closer. "You stay right where you are and I'll buy you a thousand hair bands later." He whispered softly in to Wufei's ears. The Shenlong pilot's mouth snapped close.  
  
Duo smirked and turned around to find Trowa sitting on Quatre's chair and Quatre sitting on Trowa. They looked rather comfy, the blond sitting with his feet up and his head tucked into Trowa's neck while the taller pilot held his lover with one arm and held the newspaper with the other. Duo, once again, got dreamy-eyed.  
  
"Awww! I'm surrounded by Kawaiiness!" He flung his arms out and twirled around, as if to embrace it all but ended up plopping down on the floor. "Whoa! Too fast…"  
  
"Baka." Wufei teased his best friend affectionately. Duo simply stuck his tongue out at him.  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, whatever." Duo waved it off and turned to Quatre. "So Q-man, plans for the weekend?"  
  
Quatre looked up at Trowa. "Should we tell them now?" Trowa shrugged, a soft smile playing on his lips as he brushed back the unruly blond bangs. Quatre gave him a wide smile in return and turned to the others. Duo was looking at him curiously and so were the others, but a little more discreetly.  
  
"Um…Its like this…we decided to…well…" Quatre fumbled with his words, not sure how the others were going to react while Trowa simply finished it in three words.   
  
"We are engaged."  
  
"ENGAGED?" Duo repeated. "As in engaged to be married? Engaged to live happily ever after? Engaged with rings?!?"  
  
Trowa caught Quatre's hand with his own and brought both of them up to see the glittering rings on both go their fingers. "Yes, Duo. Yes to all."  
  
"Oh My God. When did this happen?" Duo asked surprised.  
  
"Last night." Quatre smiled lovingly at Trowa. "He proposed…and I accepted." He turned and smiled at Duo.  
  
"Wow." Duo was dazed. "I didn't expect it this soon. Did you?" He turned and asked Wufei and Heero. They were looking a little…guilty? Duo couldn't place it.  
  
"Actually…" Wufei started hesitantly. "We're engaged too." He lifted his hand up and showed a ring, sparkling on his finger.  
  
"WHAT?" Duo's eyes positively popped out of his head as he looked at the two oriental pilots. "Wh-how?…when?"  
  
"Last night." Heero replied, smiling at Wufei affectionately. "I proposed and he accepted." He finished placing a light kiss on one blushing cheek.  
  
"Engaged…" Duo repeated, shaking his head. "Whoa…"  
  
"Are you okay with this, Duo?" Quatre asked worried. "I mean, I don't want you to be uncomfortable…" Trowa cut him off.  
  
"Quatre, I asked you to marry me. Not Duo. Why would his opinion matter? No offense, Duo."  
  
"Trowa!" Quatre cried out. "Of course it matters. It-"  
  
"No, no, Quat." Duo immediately soothed. "It's fine. I'm not uncomfortable. Besides, Trowa is right. It doesn't matter."  
  
"But-."  
  
"Hush. I'm very happy for you. All of you." Duo said looking at Wufei and Heero. "About time you did something. You deserve this."  
  
"Thanks, Duo." Wufei replied warmly.  
  
"…On one condition!" Duo added. All four pilots frowned at him. Duo raised one hand and pointed at Wufei. "You. Will leave your hair down."  
  
All four faces broke out into smiles. Heero hugged his lover tightly rested his chin on Wufei's shoulder. "I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
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Kind of a prologue…..you like, I write. You no like, I no write. In other words, Revieww! And let me know! 


	2. Painful memories

Whee! 17 reviews! I'm happy!

And now for Review responses: (never really done this before o.O)

**NekoNeko: **(love the name!) Not sure if I want Wufei's with a buzzcut so I 'll try to update at least once a week. [whispers] I'm rather fond of his hair myself .O

**HeeroDuo4eva and Hells-angel8: **You guys are here again! Thanks for reading my other fics, really appreciate it. Yes I am rather fond of Duo-torture, but then he is one of my favorite characters. I wanted Duo to be completely shocked, that's why both couples are engaged at once! Duo torture...mwahahha! [excuse me...ahem...]

**BabyTraci, Bishie Lovers 'R' us, freya, TKM, Rashalla Entalio**, **pUnK-RoCk['s Sk8ter** **chic**, **animegirl1171** **and Kin-chan: **Ahh I'm not sure who to pair Duo up with. Maybe Zechs, maybe Heero [but he's getting married so...?] or Trieze. Not an OC, I can assure you that. Maybe he won't be paired at all. Aah! So many options, which one to choose?

**TigerRain a.k.a Tara: **When I figure out who Duo's going to be paired with, I'll make sure he's uke. And since in this fic Duo's gay, the girls don't stand a chance!

**KerriRane: **Hey! I happen to like 1x5! lol!

**Shuichi-404, blooddrinker, BP and MeLaiya: **Glad you like the story! Thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer: mine mine! All mine! And the roses are black and the sky is green.

**ON WITH DA STORY!**

**Note: **switching to Duo's POV

I'm happy. Really I am. Ecstatic! Wonderful! Bubbling with joy? What, you don't believe me?

It is Sunday morning and my best friends just told me that they are getting married. Of course I'm happy! Why wouldn't I be? I mean, except for the fact that sooner of later they'll move out or ask me to move out and then I'll be all alone like I have been for most of my pathetic life. Does it matter? Hell no.

I really did think that they deserved it. That they deserved all the happiness they could get. A normal life too. They were gundam pilots. Hell, they never had normal life. This would give them a chance at it. Yeah, I know. I'm a gundam pilot too. Don't I deserve to be happy?

Never really thought about it until now. No, that's a lie. I am run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie. I have thought of this before, but didn't make much of it. Sure the others had love in their lives, I thought I did too. But not in the same sense as Fei and Heero or Quat and Trowa. They weren't condemned to being alone, lying on a cold bed, listening to the moan and groans coming from the other rooms. Yeah, Quatre and Wufei can be **LOUD**.

I just...I just wish for once...that someone would pay attention to me, you know? In that loving caring manner. I wish I had someone too. Someone who stays up with me when I'm sick, someone who waits for my phone call when I am away. Someone who worries when I'm late. Someone who holds me when I cry.

Well, I suppose I've never really cried. Sure when Solo died or when the church went up in flames. But other than that...the only other time I cried was when Heero self-destructed. Even Wufei did, but then again Heero was his lover. That was the night when Wufei and I became friends.

He had confined himself in their room, crying his heart out. Trowa and Quatre had each other to grieve, but Wufei was alone and so was I. So I had gone into his room and held him, rocked him and told him that it'd be okay. Up till then, Wufei still thought I was a brat. He had been shocked when I did this and had pushed me back, yelling.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOSING SOMEONE?"

That had pierced through me, flooding me with every single painful memory that I have ever had. I let the jester mask drop, the smiles, the laughs, the easy-going attitude and showed him that I was just as weary about the war as he was, if not even more. I told him about Solo, the Maxwell church, everything except that I was shinigami. Everyone I love dies. That I did not tell him. He didn't need to know that. Just like he didn't need to know that Heero's loss had hurt me just as much as it had hurt Wufei.

What? You didn't guess? Hm, thought you understood by now. I was in love with Heero. Bling bling. Satisfied? But then again he didn't love me. Not that I told him of course. Wufei and Heero just clicked and were together before I even had a chance. Would I have taken if there had been a chance? Back then, no. But now, maybe.

I've gotten over it. Sure I love Heero but he's Wufei's and I love Wufei too. He's my best bud. You thought Quatre and I would be best buds? I suppose after Wufei. But I have never revealed my past to him. I think he found out somehow though.

So where does all of this leave me? Right now? Sitting in the gardens pondering. The others had gone shopping. Yeah, usually I'd join them but not today. Today I'm wondering how much longer before I am left completely alone. If they asked me to leave, I would. No questions asked. Maybe it would be for the best. I'm not sure I can stand being around two happily married couples while I am alone. It would hurt much more than it has been these past three years.

They had planned on a double wedding. Hm? I wonder if I can persuade Wufei to wear a dress...

Thought you got rid of me? No such luck. Just taking a break from my rambling. The others are back now. Time to put on the jester's mask again. Next stop, Living room.

They were all there, not that they paid much attention to me. Damn, they looked good together. Heero was sprawled on the couch with Wufei on top of him, limbs entwined and a little off to the right, Trowa sat in the armchair with Quatre on his lap. Yup, rubbing it in. Not purposefully of course.

"Hey, guys!" I said cheerfully, trying to avoid any major eye contact. "Movie?" I asked, plopping down in front of the couch on the floor. That way I didn't have to look at them and feel sorry for myself.

"Sure. What do you wanted to watch, Duo?" Quatre asked me. I personally didn't care as long as it wasn't a mushy chick flick.

"I don't know. Let's check what on." I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. Ads, cartoons, news on L2, Ads...wait, WHAT? L2? I flipped back and stopped on the news channel.

"Duo?" Wufei called. He sounded confused as to why I was watching news. I never did. I made a shushing motion at him and turned up the volume. I recognized the site in the background. It was the place where the Maxwell church had stood.

"..._a new building to be built over the Maxwell Church site, which incidentally had only one survivor_..."

I had tuned everything out as soon as I heard the first few words. They were building over it. Over the church ground.

Something must have happened because I found Wufei shaking my shoulder and the remote falling from my grasp.

"Duo? Duo!" I could hear vaguely hear Wufei calling me. I turned and blinked at Wufei. I'm pretty sure my face was blank.

"What?" I asked. But he didn't reply. He knew he couldn't say anything about my past in front of the others But his eyes conveyed more than I needed to know. _Are you okay?_

Plastering a smile on my face that I hoped wasn't too fake, I nodded and turned back to the TV. "Looks like L2 is finally starting to get better." I said in a matter of explanation. I knew that the others were staring at me, but I kept my eyes glued to the TV. They didn't have to know anything.

We ended up watching Matrix revolutions. I'm rather fond of it so I managed to forget about the whole church incident for a while. When the movie was over, I switched off the TV and stretched. "Good movie, right guys?" There was no reply.

Turning around I found all of them asleep just as I had found them. Chuckling softly, I draped an afghan over both couples and silently made my way out. I decided to spend some time with nature. What? You don't enjoy the cool breeze and the fragrance of flowers?

...

Ah, who was I kidding?

I needed some time to think. So I made my way to the little creek at the back of the house. Or I should say mansion? Anyway, there was a huge flat rock where I usually sat when I came here. And now I sat again.

I don't know why I was shocked when I heard that piece of news. I knew that the church had to be built over sometime yet it hurt. Maybe because it was the only place where I had found my family. Maybe because I was holding on to the guilt and the pain that I was the one who caused its destruction. Maybe...maybe because it was the first place where I had found love.

I didn't want it to be built over but then again there was nothing I could do. I sat huddled, wrapping my arms around my upraised knees and staring out into space. I don't know how long I did that, because the next thing I knew was that the sky had gone dark and warm arms were wrapping around me, and that there were tears on my face.

"Damn it, Duo. I knew it." I heard Wufei whisper and realized that the arms around me were his. "It's okay. Shh, don't cry now. It'll be okay."

I hadn't realized the fact that I was sobbing my heart out. How? I have no clue. I just ended up in Wufei's arms, trying to hide from the rest of the world. And Wufei would let me.

But I wasn't weak enough that _I_ would let him. Pulling away, I hastily wiped my eyes and smiled a watery smile at him. "Don't know how that happened."

Wufei's eyes were pained. I knew he was hurting for me and I very much wanted to throw myself into his arms and weep and tell him how much I was guilty of them all dying. But what good would it do? It would only hurt him even more. Better to keep this to myself and not burden any others with it. Especially not when they were getting married.

"Damn it, Duo. It's okay to lean sometimes." Wufei grounded out. I smiled wanly at him.

"But not now. Now is the time to be happy. My best friend is getting married. No time for tears here." I got up and tugged on his arm. "Come on. Lets get back before Heero sends out a search party for you."

Wufei blushed at that and playfully smacked my hand. I grinned back at him, putting the pain back on the shelf where it belonged. The melancholy mood forgotten, we made our way back to the house.

I was happy, wasn't I?

ooh, I always wanted to write in first person! Let me know if I did good!

Reviewwwwwwww!


	3. Outsider?

Oh wow! 30 reviews for two chapters! I think That's my best so far [pathetic but hey, I really appreciate it!]

**TKM:** Oh, Duo is strong. He just had an emotional moment. I thought I'd give a glimpse of it at first, because I rather like him being all vulnerable and such.

**Anissa32: **I think you're absolutely right. But I am still at a dilemma, because I don't know who to pair Duo with.

**Hells-angel8:** I really like Wufei soft side too! Makes him all the more endearing.

**Rashalla Entalio: **I love Duo's scatter-brain-ness. But I think this Fic is going to be a bit AU. I think the people who are dead maybe alive afterall and the people who are alive maybe dead. You never know!

**Bishie Lovers 'R' us: **I don't think I made it clear in the last chapter. Sorry! But they're not rebuilding the church. But they are building something over it.

**Maria, Windy river, Sarah, Skysha-Tranqui (love that name), TigerRain a.k.a Tara, Animegirl171, HeeroDuo4eva: **Thank you so much for reviewing! You made my day! ...or days I should say. I'm still not sure who to pair duo up with but Treize and Zechs don't seem very appealing to me. . I'm having a hard time with this...

**Disclaimer: **Do you think I would be sitting in my shorts and T-shirt, tying away a story that I'm going to post of if I owned gundam wing? If you do, you really must be thick...

[......]

Apparently Heero HAD almost sent a search party for Wufei. Get that? FOR WUFEI. I bet the others didn't even notice that I was gone. Not that I could blame them. Each of them had their own problems to take care of. Like wedding preparations.

"White lilies!"

"White roses!

"Lilies!"

"Roses!"

"LILIES!

"ROSES!"

Wondering what this is about? Why the wedding of course. Wufei and Quatre were shouti-erm, debating over it. Quatre wanted roses and Wufei wanted lilies and both of them were duking it out in the kitchen while their lovers stood silently out the way, once in a while Heero rolling his eyes and Trowa shaking his head. Insane much? I think so.

Now me on the other hand, I was making a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich for a snack. Yup, American to the bone. There is something just so calming about peanut-butter, ne?...You don't think so? Yes, I have weird quirks.

So there I was, standing out of the way, not doing anything but enjoying my PB&J sandwich, when Wufei just had to drag me in. Literally. He just grabbed my arm and hauled me bodily in between them.

"Duo, what do you think?"

Surprised by them actually asking me about this, I did my famous imitation of a fish. "um..."

"Duo, don't you think roses are so much more suitable for a wedding?"

Wufei scoffed. "Not unless you're planning to wear a dress. Roses are effeminate!"

"And Lilies are not?" Quatre shot back.

"They are less feminine than roses!"

"Duo!"

"Yess?" I drawled out, looking at Quatre. They really were amusing to watch, both of them with a rosy flush on their faces. Beautiful. I wonder how Heero and Trowa could resist. I certainly-ack! Wait! What was I thinking? Duo, you are even more lonely than I thought you were, I scolded myself.

"What do you think?" Wufei asked me again. I pretended to think about it, taking a bite of my sandwich. I already knew what I was going to day. If I agreed to lilies, Trowa would have Catherine use me for target practice...when she was drunk! And if I agreed to Roses, Heero would put a bullet through my mouth or Wufei's katana would make me tonight's dinner. Agreeing to both will result to all of these. So the only choice...agree to neither.

"Orchids."

My response got two 'WHAT?'-s and two muffled snickers from Heero and Trowa. "Orchids." I repeated. "Not effeminate and they still give a nice pleasant look, a lot like roses."

"He is one smart man." I could hear Trowa murmur and Heero give one of his patented 'hn's. I decided to make a quick exit, this time because Wufei or Quatre could jump me.

"See ya later guys. I'm going to bed!" I waved cheerfully and started to depart when Wufei called me, he voice suddenly serious.

"You haven't eaten dinner yet."

I waved my sandwich in the air. "All in need in right here, Wu-man. Gotta catch some winks before the n- uh, th-the trip to the city tomorrow, yeah." I forced a cheerful smile and pranced out of the room before any of them could notice anything wrong. Gods, I had almost told him about the nightmares that I was sure to get tonight. Better watch myself

What? You didn't think I would have nightmares? Well, there's a laugh. So what if Shinigami is not supposed to nightmares? I do. What if shinigami is not supposed to feel guilt? I do. Oh, how I do.

I did manage a couple of hours of sleep before the nightmare started. It was the same one as always. I was a child again, standing amidst of the flames, though the truth was that I was never there. The church was burning around me and I was trying in vain to find sister Helen or father Maxwell or...just about anybody. Then I find her. Sister Helen.

I crouch down and take her into my arms, asking her to not go.

"Sister Helen..."

"Duo..."

Then I look up to see father Maxwell, flesh burnt and charred, standing in front of me. The other kids were there as well, in a similar state. Sara, Annie, Rex, Josh, Freddy, Mia, Lizzie, George, Jared. They were all there.

"How could you, Duo?" Father Maxwell asked. "How could you do this to us? I thought we meant something. I thought you wouldn't kill us..."

"Why, Duo?" Suddenly sister Helen's face became just as gruesome as the others. I dropped her like I was burnt, backing away. "Why did you do this?"

Then came a chorus of 'Why'-s, from the other children, overlapping each other, echoing, forcing me to back away when Solo emerged to my right. He grinned that lopsided grin at me.

"You keep this up, kid and you're going to be all alone."

_All alone..._

"But...I didn't mean to." The child in me started to protest. I turn around to run and face a very very tall, hooded figure with flowing black robes. [1]

_Shinigami..._

And then, I woke up, sitting up straight, gasping for breath, forcing down the scream that threatened to break free. That dream did that to me every time. Scared the life out of me. One hand clutched the shirt as I tried to calm the pounding of my heart. There were no words to describe how horrible that dream was and how badly it affected me.

I slowly laid back down, stretching out on my cold bed. It was a cold night and here I was, sweating. Once I escaped the clutches of the nightmare, I became aware of other sounds.

One of them was Quatre's deep-throated moan coming from the room to my left. Wow, they were still doing it? This late in the night? I rose up to look at the clock and realized that it only said 12:20pm. With a groan, I collapsed back and put my hands over my face. I didn't plan on going back to sleep but that would mean listening to the lovebirds all night. As if I had cued, Quatre's voice rose up into a shout followed by Trowa's near sobbing of his name. Man, they were just getting started.

From the room to my right, similar sounds issued. Soft, throaty murmurs followed by keening wails and whimpers. Yup, the walls were really paper thin. They were just getting started too, I thought as I heard, 'HEERRRRROOOOO!!!!' which was definitely from Wufei, who actually does a fair imitation of that Peacecraft girl and Heero's gruttal moan before all fell silent. Though I knew that wouldn't last long. But in that silence, lying on a cold empty bed, with no warm body next to me, I realized, just how very lonely it was.

How very lonely _I _was.

[......]

Okay, so I looked like hell the next morning. What did you expect? They had kept it up until four in the morning and just when I fell asleep, the nightmares had taken over again and gave me a harsh jolt back into reality at around 6:00am. Not what I would call very restful.

So I ended up communing with nature for about two hours and coming back in to make breakfast at 8:00. Although, it ended up being almost 8:30 when the others wandered in. Needless to day, they did MY famous imitation of a fish when they saw me up this early.

Quatre rubbed at his eyes and squinted at me. "Duo?"

Wufei on the other hand took it one step further. Turning to Heero, he asked. "Am I hallucinating or is that Duo over there?"

Heero merely grunted while Trowa chuckled. "That's Duo all right."

"Haha. Very funny." I said sarcastically. "Morning, lovebirds."

The others had gotten so used to the name that they didn't even notice it anymore. "Morning, Duo."

"Here you go." I placed the breakfast plates in front of them. "Breakfast is served."

All of them took a tentative bite at the scrambled eggs and the room broke out with exclamations.

"This is good, Duo."

"Hm!"

"Delicious!"

"So you _can_ cook?" That was from Heero.

"Of course I can." I replied haughtily. "You just assumed that I couldn't."

"So the burnt turkey last thanksgiving was another one of your recipes?"

"So I forgot to check the temperature! It happens!"

"And the broken toaster?" Trowa asked.

"A mere accident. How was I supposed to know that you press down, not up?"

"and the cement that was masquerading as chocolate?" It was Wufei who asked this time.

"You should have eaten it before it froze!"

Only Quatre didn't say anything, he was looking at me with an unreadable expression. I smiled brightly at him.

"What, Quat?"

"Just...your eyes. They're all red." The room suddenly got very quiet, it was almost suffocating.

"Having trouble sleeping?" Trowa asked gently. My smile faltered. I turned to see the others also staring at me. As a steadfast rule, nothing was a secret amongst the five of us. Of course I tended to make exceptions. But not Quatre.

Forcing the grin back to my face, I replied cheerfully. "How could I sleep with Quatre here being so loud?"

Quatre flushed red and Wufei snickered. I turned to him, regarding him calmly. "Oh you aren't much better. I just heard your famous imitation of Relena last night. And I don't think Relena's was quite as loud."

This time it was Wufei turn to blush. Heero and Trowa had the decency to look a little embarrassed. To break the uncomfortable silence, I chuckled and moved to clear the table. "I'm only kidding. It's nice to see you guys being affectionate but just don't be so loud in the future."

"I'll keep that in mind." Wufei murmured, ears tinged pink. Giving him a one armed hug, I went to the sink to start the dishes. I heard the others move to the living room to discuss more about the wedding. On a sudden impulse I turned and stared at the picture on the refrigerator. It was a picture of Me, Heero and Wufei with Wufei in the middle, both Heero and I with one arm slung over Wufei's waist and shoulders. I had a bright grin and was flashing a peace sign with my other hand while grinning at the camera. Wufei had a soft smile on his face and he was leaning unconsciously towards Heero, while looking up at him and Heero was looking back, one arm hugging Wufei close his side.

I felt as though I was an outsider, intruding in their moment. Grabbing a pair of scissors, I cut the picture into two pieces. One with Heero and Wufei and one with me.

I was an outsider, wasn't I? [2]

[......]

[1] Think Dementors from Harry potter.

[2] what is it with me and always ending chapters like this?

Oh wow! I must have written this like 6 times over! Hope it didn't turn out too bad!!

I'm not sure what to do next so if you have any suggestions, please do let me know!

Other than that, **REVIIIEWWWWW!**


	4. time to leave

Sorry if this feels like its going in circles, but something has come up in this chapter! =] enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **not mine.

**Note: **Wufei is **VERY **OOC in this. =] sorry. I couldn't resist!

[......]

I don't remember what I did with that picture. I probably was thinking about other things. Oh well. Hopefully it was some place safe.

Wedding was in two weeks. Why they decided to have it so soon? I have no idea. I also didn't have any idea about where I would stay after they got married. I didn't want to impose on them but I knew that Quatre might insist that I stay but I don't think Trowa or Heero would be too fond of that. Pfft. I'll worry about that when it comes up.

Heero and Wufei took off today, leaving the other set of lovebirds and me in the mansion. Of course, they had disappeared leaving me to do my things. Strangely I didn't feel like being outside today. So I decided to go up to the music room.

When I was in the church, I had learned how to play the piano. Sure it was a long time ago, but I managed to remember how to play. It was the few things that I indulged myself in when no one was around.

I also loved to sing. It was one of my favorite past times. I actually had written songs and played them while singing. And today, a specific song seemed to fit my mood.

Walking over to the piano, I brushed my fingers over the ivory keys in a loving caress. Music was truly beautiful. Sitting down on the bench, I positioned my hands over the keys, closed my eyes and started to play. And soon my voice was also singing along softly.

_One touch, one gaze_

_One kiss is all I ask_

_To let me know_

_If you love me..._

_One smile, one laugh,_

_A hug is all I ask_

_To let me know_

_If you care..._

_I've been waiting here_

_For oh so long_

_For you to come_

_And take me home_

_But now it seems _

_All my hopes and dreams_

_Didn't mean anything_

_To you._

_I've been waiting forever_

_Waiting for you to tell me_

_That you love me_

_Hoping forever_

_That for once_

_You care_

I faintly heard other sounds and other melodies joining, but left it to my imagination and continued to sing.

_One remark, one phrase,_

_A word is all I want_

_Is that too much to ask?_

_I've waited for so long_

_To hear you say something_

_But it seems that it would never be._

_I saw you walk away from me,_

_Each step you took treading on my heart._

_But now that you've left..._

..._I've never been so lost._

_I've been waiting forever_

_Waiting for you to tell me_

_That you love me_

_Hoping forever_

_That for once_

_You care_

_And I'll wait forever..._

_For you..._

And I let the last word ring out, fading softly into silence and rested my hands gently over the keys. My breath hitched and I was dangerously close to tears. I don't know why that song got to me. Maybe it was because of the things that were going on recently.

A voice broke through. "That was beautiful, Duo."

I whirled around, taken by surprise, at hearing Quatre's voice. I saw him setting down his violin and found Trowa a little further off, dismantling his flute. Both of them were looking at me in...awe? I wasn't sure.

"Thanks, Quat." I said, thanking the gods that my voice was steady. "Just a little something that I whipped up."

"You have a very musical voice." Trowa commented. "It's very...beautiful to listen to."

I blushed furiously. I wasn't used to getting compliments and the truth probably was that I would never get used to it. Not after being a street rat for so long.

"It's not that great." I muttered, ducking my head and staring at the floor, which had suddenly become very interesting.

"Yes, it is." Quatre said firmly. I heard him walking towards me and felt him take a hold of my shoulders. "You're really good, Duo. You should come with us to the karaoke bar tomorrow night."

"Uh, no...I can't." I turned my head to the side, hoping he would go away, because I hadn't completely gotten rid of my tears.

"Duo..." No such luck. Instead, he took a hold of my chin and pulled my face back towards him. I saw his eyes go wide and his sharp intake of breath. "Duo? Tears?..." His hand came up to touch my cheek but I flinched and pulled back.

Letting out a laugh that I hoped wasn't as weak as it sounded to me, I brought one hand up and rubbed at my eyes. "It's nothing...I haven't played in a long time. It just...gets to me." I could see that he was still doubtful. "I'm fine." I grinned at him again and playfully tousled his hair. He squeaked indignantly and ducked, trying to avoid it.

"I...have things to do. I'll see you guys later." I smiled as cheerfully as I could and left the room quickly, though I could still hear Quatre asking Trowa.

"...What's going on?" I didn't hear a reply.

[......]

"DUO! QUATRE! TROWA!"

I winced, rubbing at my ears. Who knew Wufei could be so loud? He had become almost exactly like me! True, during the war, Wufei seemed to have the biggest stick up his ass [not like that, hentai!] but he had mellowed over the years. I don't think Heero quite appreciated my influence over him.

"In here, Wufei!" I hollered back. The next second, Wufei bounded into the living room with Heero following at a more sedate pace. Plucking the book I was reading out of my hands, he closed it and threw it on the coffee table before he plopped down beside me on the couch, bouncing excitedly.

"Hey! I was reading that!" I protested indignantly. Wufei simply caught a hold of my upraised knees and grinned at me widely.

"Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?" He said excitedly. Oookkay. That was getting scary. A hyper Wufei was _not_ good.

"You found where the monkey hid your pocky?" I said sarcastically, reaching for my book and pointedly opening it again but not reading it just yet.

He stopped and blinked for a second. "We have a monkey?" I fought the urge to groan and smack him. But then the smile came back. "No. Guess what?"

I heard Heero sigh and he came and pulled Wufei off of me and settled the excited Chinese pilot on his own lap. "We found a house."

"A...house?" I frowned. My brain wasn't processing the information fast enough.

"Yeah, a house!" Wufei cried, bouncing again. "To move in after the wedding, silly! Its beautiful! It has this humongous fireplace..."

I tuned him out, once my mind had finished processing what he just said. They were looking at houses. To move in after the wedding. A house that they could call their _own._ Of course, Trowa and Quatre had this big mansion of their own so they didn't have to worry about that. But now I wouldn't be able to stay any longer. Definitely not after they're married. They were...abandoning me.

"Hey, Duo!! You listening?" Wufei got in my face and blinked at me with those huge chocolate colored eyes. _So cute..._

"Of course, Wufei." I smiled and nodded and he seemed satisfied so he continued to talk. I tuned him back out. I didn't plan on staying any longer than the wedding.

It was time for me to leave.

[......]

The song is mine! It was my first attempt at writing a song and I think it turned out to be quite crappy! =[

The wedding is going to be in a couple of chapters. I have decided what I am going to do and I assure you that there is more than just the wedding. More wonderful Duo angst of course!

**REVIEWWW!!**


	5. singing sensations

**Disclaimer: **No, I do not own gundam wing and I do not own the songs "Ready to fall in love tonight." I think its n'sync but I could be wrong. Don't sue! I got no money. =[

[......]

Okay, so Quatre did manage to drag me to the karaoke bar. One day before the wedding though. I had managed to escape the first one but this time they were adamant. My protests did nothing to stop him or Wufei, despite me hanging on to the doorframe stubbornly. They had simply gotten Heero to pry my fingers off and had hauled me into the car.

I'll admit, the bar itself was not so bad. It was like every other club, upbeat music with someone or the other singing all the while. All of us found a booth and settled in, the others purposely putting me in the center to stop me from leaving.

Once we ordered and had our drinks, bobbing our heads to a fast energetic beat, Trowa pulled Quatre up for a dance and Wufei did the same with Heero. And so I was left alone. Again. Any surprise?

See, this is one of the reasons I don't really like going out with all of them. If its Quatre and Wufei, or Heero and Trowa, it would be a different thing. But when their lovers are around, its like...all they see is each other. Just like they don't realize how lonely I feel right now.

Uh-oh. Quatre coming over here and Trowa looks a little miffed. He's glaring at me now. What did I do now? Did Quatre catch me staring at them wistfully? I hope not.

"Hey, Duo." Quatre greeted me with a smile. As always.

"Hey, Quat. Something the matter? You left Trowa there high and dry." I commented looking at them back and forth. Quatre shook his head and grinned at me. It was that sly grin of his. He was up to something.

"You came here for a reason." He stated calmly, that glint in his eye not going unnoticed by me.

"I...did?"

"Yes, you did." He said more firmly and flicked his eyes over at the stage and back at me. I caught his meaning.

"Quatre, no. Not here."

"Duo..."

"Quat, in front of Wufei and Heero??? If I'm going to make a fool of myself, I rather not do it in front of them, much less a million other people who I _don't _know."

"Ah, come on, Duo! Please?? For me??" Oh no. He's not doing it. I won't fall for it. Nuh-uh. No way. Not this time. No can do. I...aw, crap. Fine.

"Fine. Just don't use those puppy dog eyes of yours." I grumbled as I got up from the booth. "So what do you want me to sing? Something fast? Something romantic?"

"Something romantic." Quatre answered and grinned. After reaching over and hugging me, he pushed me towards the crowd, forcing me to weave through the bodies.

Okay, something romantic. Think, Duo, come on, think. There has to be something....Ah! Got it!

Finally up on the stage, the lights dimmed so that I was hardly visible, only a thin sliver of light around me, I took hold of the microphone. Listening to the open chords I took a deep breath and started to sing, my voice husky and sultry, eyes half closed.

_I get a feeling_

_I can't explain_

_Whenever your eyes meet mine_

_My heart spins in circles_

_And I lose all space and time_

_And now that we're standing face to face_

_Somethin' tells me_

_It's gonna be okay_

I could see Quatre nudge Trowa and gesture towards the stage. When the Latin pilot looked at me, his eyes widened. I bet he didn't know I could sing this seductively.

_And I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

_Ready to hold my heart open wide_

_I can't promise forever but baby I'll try_

_Yes, I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

By now, Wufei and Heero have been alerted by Trowa and Quatre, and three of them were staring at me in awe and wonder and one was smirking. Yup, Quatre. I close my eyes again and continue.

_I know you've been watching_

_Choosin' your moment_

_I've been dreaming of that day_

_No one before you has gotten to me this way_

_And now that we're standing face to face_

_There's something that I need to say_

I don't know what made me do it. So I will blame it on god. But when I sang those last couple of lines, I looked directly at Heero and Wufei. Both of them were surprised by that. But I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes away.

_And I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

_Ready to hold my heart open wide_

_I can't promise forever but baby I'll try_

_Yes, I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

Now, I saw Quatre's smirk fade and he was looking at me with a multitude of expressions running across his face. Confusion, perplexity, uncertainty, horror, pain, guilt...I quickly closed my eyes again and controlled my emotions. I could not have Quatre suspecting anything.

_Nothing is certain, this I know_

_Wherever we're headed I'm ready to go_

_I can't promise forever but baby I'll try_

_Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

_Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

_Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight_

And then it was over, I walked off the stage and back to our booth, picking up my half finished drink and downing it in one gulp. The others slowly emerged from the crowd, standing in front of the booth, looking down at me.

"So...what did you think?" I asked slowly, awaiting their answers. When I got no response, just bewildered stares, I chuckled a little bitterly. "Told you I would embarrass myself, Quat."

"Duo..." Wufei started, sliding into the booth beside me and laying a hand on my arm. "That...that was beautiful. I didn't know you could sing like that."

"Hn."

"Duo, you were great." Quatre said earnestly. "That was by far as romantic as it could get. Thank you." He reached over and hugged me tight, whispering a quick 'We need to talk' to me. Damn. Looks like I had been caught.

The ride back home was normal. I had my jester mask and has Quatre and Wufei laughing while Trowa and Heero smirked. I honestly thought that Quatre had forgotten about whatever he wanted to talk to me about so I didn't worry about it. But no such luck. As soon as we had gotten home, he pulled me out the car and asked the others to go ahead and that he needed to tell me something.

Once we were alone, he led me to the front porch and sat me down on the stairs taking a seat beside me.

"Duo, I...a few days ago...I found something...I didn't think much of it but now..." He sighed and stopped talking, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out something. It was the picture that I had cut apart.

"Duo? What is this?"

Damn.

[......]

Sorry for taking so long to update. Everything is a little slower since school started. =[ but I will try to post again next week.

Be nice to me and Reviiewww! =]


	6. departure

Wow! This is my fourth update this weekend. I felt incredibly bad for only updating once last time so here are four juicy updates! Though you've probably read three of them before. Enjoy!

**......**

I was in so much trouble.

Damn.

"Uh, Quat! Looks like someone cut that picture. Too bad! That was one of my favorites..." I trailed off as I saw him sigh exasperatedly.

"I know it was you, Duo. But why?" He asked, looking hurt. That really set me off. Usually that would have made me feel guilty, but he was hurt because I tore apart the picture, or my reasons behind it? That was a joke!

"Why? WHY? Oh there's a question. Have you ever wondered as to WHY I always avoided going out with you guys when all of us were together? How you ever wondered WHY I didn't want to go to the karaoke bar with all of you? Have you ever wondered WHY Duo is always so freaking HAPPY?"

He wasn't expecting that. In fact, he looked down right shocked. In the back of my mind, I knew that I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on him, but I didn't pay any attention to that.

"You know why? Because it doesn't matter. How I feel doesn't matter. Nobody is ever there for me anyway so why bother. As long as everyone thinks I'm happy, they just go about their work, ignoring me. Just tell me, Quatre, when was the last time that you and I actually sat down and had a good talk?"

He had no answer, because the last time we did that was...far too long ago. Even I don't remember.

"Its been too long, hasn't it?" I said wistfully. "I bet you don't even know what food is my favorite."

"Come on, Duo." He huffed annoyed. "It's not like you do about me either."

"Favorite food: Trowa's pancakes. Favorite color: emerald green. Favorite place: Paris. Favorite composer: Fletcher. Favorite musical piece: Brandenburg Concerto no.3. Anything else?"

He looked flabbergasted. He really didn't think I would know all of this. But I did. I knew these about everyone else living in that house. But they didn't know a thing about me.

He looked at the picture again and back at me. "But-but...this? How? Do you...love them?"

I chuckled bitterly. "Do I love them?" I shook my head again and laughed. "Do I LOVE them? Yeah, I do. I freaking do. And I can't do anything about it. You know why?" I asked him smiling. "Yeah, you know why. Because they're getting married! Just like you. Tomorrow! Isn't that great?" My voice dropped down to a whisper. "Isn't that just great?"

"Duo..." His voice sounded so pained then and I knew that he was going to go in there and tell them. But I very well couldn't let him now could I?

Turning to him, I looked into his aquamarine eyes and said solemnly. "Listen, Quat. I've never asked you for anything. So please don't deny me this." I took hold of one of his hands and held them between mine. So different. His hands were soft and creamy, mine rough and calloused. His life, so perfect and wonderful. My life, horrid and cursed. Nothing could change that.

"Promise me. Promise me that you won't say a word about this. They are going to wake up tomorrow morning and get married and live happily ever after and I will _not_ be the cause to stop them. Do not tell them. Not now. Not ever. No matter what happens. If they were to know, I will be the only one to tell them, okay? Promise me."

His eyes searched mine, trying to find something that said otherwise but there was nothing. No one would tell them but me and I didn't plan on telling them ever. I was leaving tomorrow for L2 and they didn't even know that. It hurt too much to stay any more. It was time to leave and make my own life, one without them.

"I-I promise." He said with pained filled aqua eyes. I smiled sadly at him and let go of his hand, stepping back and turning away. I walked towards the house when I heard him call.

"I'm sorry..."

I chuckled again. Surprise surprise. I turned my head to the side to acknowledge that I had heard. "Yeah. Me too."

**......**

Rise and shine. It was morning, my best friends were getting married and I couldn't be happier. Hm, now where did I hear that before?

"Don't worry, Wufei. You look fine." I laughed as the Chinese man turned this way and that way in his white suit. White was his color as much as black was my color. Wufei pouted at me in the mirror and I laughed again.

"What if Heero doesn't think so?" He complained, straightening his shirt for the millionth time. Unfortunately I couldn't persuade him to wear a dress. I calmly removed his hands and straightened the shirt myself.

"I think Heero would have only one problem." I said off handedly, smirking as onyx eyes widened in panic.

"What?"

"Picking his jaw off the floor." I smiled when I got a laugh out of him. "Trust me. You look gorgeous. We just need to fix one more thing." I reached up and pulled out the hair tie that had been holding his hair together loosely. Now it floated free on either side of his face, framing the exotic features.

"Now you look perfect." I dropped a kiss onto his forehead and turned to the other bride-in-this-wedding. Quatre.

"Quatre, stop fiddling with that." I admonished him and straightened his bow tie and collar. "Both of you look fine. It's just a case of wedding jitters. Just think. In less than an hour both of you will be happily married with your soul mates for the rest of your lives. What could possibly be better than that?"

That brought a smile to both their faces as they thought about their husbands-to-be. I picked up something from a near by table and turned back to them. On their breast pockets, I arranged a white orchid on their left. They had decided to do a mix of roses and lilies and these orchids were my gift to them.

"From me." I grinned at both of them. "Now let's go, before we're late!" I ushered them out and saw Rashid waiting. He was going to walk Quatre down the aisle and I was going to walk Wufei, since I was the closest thing to family aside from Heero that he had.

The actual ceremony was...beautiful. The two couples were each other's best men. When I heard the priest pronounce them to be 'mated' I felt my heart clench, watching Heero and Wufei share a kiss so sweet. They truly did deserve each other.

At the reception afterwards also, watching them dance together made me want to cry. There was just so much love between them. How could I have ever thought to be worthy of it?

I did get a chance to dance with Wufei though. I spun him around the room and had him laughing the entire time. His laughter was beautiful to hear. During the war, it was so rare. But now, you could hear it almost everyday.

"Are you happy, Duo?" He asked me. I thought about it. My best friends were happy. And that in turn made me happy for them. So technically, I was happy, right?

"Very." I replied smiling. Just then, Heero showed up again and I relinquished his wedded back to him and walked out of the reception hall. I crossed the gardens to the mansion and went up to my room, quickly pulling out my duffel bag from where I had packed all my stuff. I left no note, because I didn't think they needed any. And also because I didn't know what to say to them. I just hoped that Quatre wouldn't tell them anything after I left.

I walked back out the mansion and stood outside in the shadows, watching them. I could see Heero and Wufei in an embrace, murmuring softly and on the other side of the hall, Quatre and Trowa swaying to the music slowly, gazing into each other's eyes. With one last lingering glance, I turned and walked out the gates.

I did not look back.

**......**

THIS IS **NOT** the end. There is more. Lots more. Why? Because this is fun to write!! So Reviewww and I'll post again next week!


	7. Search and Find

Ha! Another week of school done! Whew! Now for updating! Lalala!

Yes, I am very hyper....

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them.

......

"Here you go, Emily. All done." I grinned at her and ran my thumb over the band-aid on the five-year-olds elbow, smoothing it flat. She grinned a toothy grin back at me and threw her small arms around me, hugging me tight. I hugged her back and then let her go as she scampered of to the "playground" or backyard.

So that's where I ended up. On L2, working in an orphanage. Actually I lived there too. I worked as a mechanic on weekdays and work at the orphanage on weekends. Tricia was the one who managed it though. She was a sweet woman. The orphanage got more than half of my paycheck every month. I loved helping out the kids. I really did. It reminded me of my own fun days at the Maxwell church.

Oh and about the building? Yeah, they did build one over the church site, but they were nice enough to leave a memorial with all of the victims. Not that I needed to see it. I knew all the names on there by heart.

I went to the church site a couple of times a month, mostly because the building there was constructed to help the colony. I bet sister Helen would have liked that. About twice every month, I went there to give them a count of how many children were there at the orphanage and our expenses of sorts. It was the colony's way of keeping track of everyone.

It had been five years since I had left them. Them being the other pilots. I kept track of them though. Often times I saw Quatre on television and where Quatre was, Trowa was not far behind. He now managed WEI's security. Whenever Quatre seemed to look a little off, (trust me, I know when those happen) I sent him something. Usually it was tickets for a vacation for Two in Tahiti or something like that, Sometimes during Christmas or New year's I'd send then something. Even to Wufei and Heero. But I always made sure that none of their "packages" could be traced back.

Wufei had opened up a dojo and now it was one of the most famous dojos around. He had his dojo often went around competing in different tournaments. I had attended a few of his tournaments over the years. but I always made sure to leave before either of them could spot me. I even saw Heero. Aside from being the head of computer security, he was also a writer. I had read all three books that he had published so far and I was rather surprised. Who would have thought that The perfect soldier could be so eloquent with words?

I know that they probably tried looking for me. Well, Wufei and Quatre at least. But when Shinigami does not want to be found, he will not be found. After all, I didn't disappear just so that they could find me. It hurt not to be with them but at the same time it hurt even more to be with them. To be with them and witness all the love, knowing that I had none for myself. I knew I would be moping if I stayed there any longer. There was no chance that either one would love me. They deserve each other, I'm not worthy of them, And what more, if they did by any chance love me, they would leave sooner or later. Just like everybody else had left me. My love is one that kills.

"Duo!" I was interrupted from my musings by a panicked cry and a child wailing. I stood up and walked out of the room and into the corridor, spotting Tricia standing by the end of the hallway, with a crying 8-month old Kira. She smiled sheepishly and her blue eyes twinkled. She was a woman in her late thirties and she was even more of a mother hen than Wufei was! A no-nonsense woman. She in many ways reminded me of Sister Helen. Especially her smile. It was the soft gentle kind.

"Help me, please?" He asked desperately, trying to balance Kira and a tray of food in the other. I walked over to where she stood and grinned. When she offered me the plate of food to hold, I merely popped a chip into my mouth and then plucked the baby out of her arms and into mine. Huffing exasperatedly, she shook her head.

"You favor her too much." She scolded playfully. I merely shrugged and held the baby in the air above me.

"So sue me." I drawled out. "Besides, she's cute. Aren't you, baby?" I cooed softly to the baby and she squealed happily, waving her arms in the air. I smiled at the adorable picture that she made.

Kira was also another reason as to why I came here. The little 8-month year old had captured my heart the first time I saw her. That was six months ago. Since then she had taken a liking to me and I to her. Now she only ever quieted down when I held her. Talk about possessive!

I cradled in my arms and smiled at Tricia again before leaving the room to go the kitchen. I wanted a little snack and the little one needed to be fed. Entering the white tiled kitchen, I set Kira on the high chair closest to where I could work while still keeping her out of harm's way. Once then I hummed softly and worked, talking to the baby. Not that she would understand me.

I loved the baby. I loved her like she was my own. If I ever were to have a daughter, it would be her. Six months are enough to love someone. Why I fell in love with Heero the first few months after I met him. Same with Wufei. They...what am I doing? It hurts me to think about them, then why do I do it? Wishing for what may or might have been, but will never be. Couldn't I be just happy?

I really don't know. Like I said before, I want someone to love me. But how can they when it would put a price on their lives? Everyone I loved died. How was I to be sure that it wouldn't happen again?"

"You know," I said turning to the baby. "Its time that I forget about them. Its been 5 years. I should let go. I have a life here. A life apart from them. Its time to forget. Don't you think so, baby?"

She gave no response, instead staring at me like I've gone crazy. Then again maybe I have. I was talking to a baby! But then again, It was almost as though she could understand what I was telling her. Quite amazingly really. Like now.

I sighed and cleaned up, snack all done. Just them, Tricia rushed into the room.

"They're here!" She said breathlessly. My eyes widened and I nodded quickly, starting to move out of the room when I heard a wail. Crap! I had forgotten about Kira. Turning back, I quickly scooped up the crying baby in my arms and addressed Tricia.

"You take care of them. I'll put her to bed and come." She nodded quickly and left to meet the guests. I left for the children's bedroom.

When I entered, all the other children's talk quieted down. I smiled brightly at them and regarded their inquisitive faces. Jonas came forward and tugged my arm.

"Is it true that the guests that have come are here to adopt one of us?" He asked in a low voice. He was the oldest of them all and he was only eight. Sandy colored hair and bright blue eyes, he reminded me of Quatre in many ways.

"Yes, but they are going to stay a while to get to know you guys. Tricia told me after she talked to them."

Jonas gave me a little smile and tugged me down, to say goodnight to Kira. It was a ritual they did to the youngest member of the orphanage. One by one all of them said good night, even the youngest member other that Kira who was Sam, a two year old, wobbling a little. I smiled and dropped a kiss on his head before leaving to go to Kira's and my room. Yup, she had a little cradle right beside my bed. The orphanage didn't have babies too often but when they did, they very well couldn't let them sleep along with the other children. So I had offered and for the past six months, Kira had been with me.

I walked into our room and placed her in her cradle, fully intending to go back out when she started to cry. With a sigh, I lifted her back up and rocked her back and forth. Walking over to the stereo on one side of the room, I turned on a CD and soft music played. Humming softly I danced around the room slowly, watching the baby's sated little smile and drooping eyes. She was so cute.

I lost myself in watching her. Hazel eyes, dark hair, smooth ivory cheeks, rosebud lips, a picture of innocence. Something that I had killed in during the war. But never again.

I had my back to the door and didn't realize that someone was there until I heard a surprised gasp. I turned around quickly, the baby held protectively in my arms. I almost stopped breathing when I saw who it was.

They were there. All four of them just as I had remembered. Just as I had been trying to forget. I saw Quatre's lips open and a whisper floated in the air.

"Duo..."

......

yay! Another chapter all done. The others will probably be updated in a day or two, So I hope you are looking forward to that! Other than that, REVIEWW!


	8. Lullabies that fade

Fwee! Update update! Are you as excited about his as I am? (bounces off walls) whee!

**Disclaimer: **Don't own GW. Song is by Billy Joel.

**(......)**

They were there. All four of them just as I had remembered. Just as I had been trying to forget. I saw Quatre's lips open and a whisper floated in the air.

"Duo..."

I stood there shell shocked for god knows how long, just staring at them. They hadn't changed at all, in all the five years. Quatre had gotten taller, he had a couple of inches on me. So had Wufei, but Trowa remained the tallest of all and Heero after him. Nothing had changed.

Turning around so that my back was to them, I gently put Kira down in her cradle, relieved that she was finally asleep. I heard Tricia talking to them softly, so I busied myself with tucking the sheets around my little baby just to ignore the others for as long as I could. I knew what questions would come my way and I didn't want to face them.

When I turned back, they were gone. I let out a sigh and turned off the lights, walking out of the room, right into someone. I stumbled back a little and a pair of arms caught me and pulled me up and into its embrace, saving me from falling. I looked up and immediately drowned in the pools of cobalt.

It was just like it had been five years ago. The intensity of those eyes could make me shiver all the way to my toes. And for a moment, I let myself forget and got lost in the moment, thinking back to those five years.

"Duo?" A soft voice called me back from my reverie. I blinked abruptly and found myself staring at Heero, wrapped up in his arms. I quickly detangled myself from him, feeling a blush creep up to my face.

"Hey. Thanks." I murmured softly, keeping my head down so that I didn't have to meet his eyes again. I knew that if I did, I would fall in love with him all over again.

"No problem." He replied just as softly as though he knew that Kira was not to be disturbed. An awkward silence stretched as we stood facing each other in the hallway. Finally He stepped back and gestured to me.

"Come on. Let's go meet the others." He said, as though the five years that had gone by didn't exist. I nodded my assent and followed him to the 'living room'.

Tricia was there talking amiably to our guests. Yes, guests. I don't want to make it anymore personal than I have to. As soon as Heero entered, I saw Wufei's face light up. Yup. Same as always.

I stood at the doorway, unsure of whether to enter or not. Wufei's gaze caught me and held mine gaze, communicating a million things that I cannot put into words. There were simply none. I quickly lowered my eyes, feeling extremely uncomfortable with their scrutiny.

"Duo?"

I looked up to see Tricia, smiling gently at me. She gestured me to come in and I did, not wanting to refuse.

"There are the guests that I told you about. Quatre, meet Du-" She started to say when Quatre nodded, smiling at me softly.

"I know. We've already met."

"Really?" Tricia looked back and forth between Quatre and me. "Well, that's wonderful. I'm sure you guys have a lot to catch up on. So I'll leave you alone for now." With that Tricia grabbed the tray full of teacups and exited the room quickly.

I just stood there, my gaze locked with Quatre's, that awkward silence coming back. I knew that the others were looking at me too, but Quatre's gaze was the only one I could hold without lowering my eyes.

The blond Arabian got up from the couch and walked towards me with ease. Once he had reached me, he easily enfolded me in his arms, hugging me close. It felt strange at first, because I was usually the one hugging him but it felt so very good to be held for once.

"Oh Duo. We missed you so much." He murmured softly. I hugged him back carefully, not wanting to wrinkle his dress shirt.

"I missed you guys too." I murmured back, as he let go of me. Those startling cornflower blue eyes gazed at me for a moment longer before he stepped back. I turned to the other, to find them watching me.

"Hey, guys. Long time no see."

Wufei quickly crossed the room in three strides and had me enfolded in his arms before I knew what was going on.

"Damn it, Duo. Where the hell have you been all these years?"

"Around." I said, putting the mask back on. I grinned at him cheerfully as I pulled back. His eyes looked pained as though he knew I was hiding something.

"You live here?" He asked softly. I nodded.

"Yup. I help Tricia take care of the kids on the weekends and work as a mechanic on weekdays. How have you been?"

"Great." He replied, his eyes turning towards his husband and smiling warmly at him. Heero smiled back and came forward to wrap his arms around his beloved.

"We bought that house that I told you about. It's a couple of blocks from Quatre's estate. It's beautiful. You should come visit us sometime." Wufei offered. I smiled back at him and didn't reply.

"It's getting late. I should show you to your rooms. This way, please." I turned and walked out the door, leading them upstairs to their rooms. On the way up the stairs, I saw Sam walking towards me. I frowned, the little tyke was supposed to be asleep.

"Sammy?" I called, walking towards him and scooping him up. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed." I admonished gently, brushing a few locks of sandy blond hair out of those adorable chocolate brown eyes.

"I wanted to see 'em." He said yawning softly, laying his head against my neck.

"Little baka." I smiled gently and turned to the other four pilots who were looking at me astonished. Guess they had never seen me with a child before. "Here. This is Quatre and Trowa and over there is Wufei and behind him in Heero. Guys, meet Sam, the second youngest tyke in this place."

"Ish nice to meet chu." Sam grinned at them widely and I saw Quatre take a few steps forward.

"It's nice to meet you too, little one." He said as he stroked his fingers through the soft blond hair of the child. I grinned at him approvingly. Sam reached forward and hugged Quatre around the neck. I swear, that little guy is almost an exact duplicate of me personality wise.

Quatre looked surprised but hugged back anyways. Letting go, Sam returned to my embrace and lay his head on my shoulder. "Shleepy. Can I shtay with chu, Duo?"

"Of course, my little baka. Let me just show these gentlemen to their rooms okay?" After receiving a nod from Sam, I grinned at the other pilots and continued on upstairs showing Them to their rooms.

"Here you go, Quat. This will be your and Trowa's room. Wufei's and Heero's are right across the hallway. Goodnight."

I left them as quickly as I could, hugging a sleepy Sam. Reaching my room, I slipped inside quietly so that I didn't disturb Kira and put Sam down on him bed, tucking him in. Then I quickly went to the bathroom to change into more comfortable clothes and crawled into bed, my exhausted muscles breathing a sigh of relief.

Turning to my side, I felt Sam curl up against my chest and wrapped an arm around him, running my fingers through his golden locks. So innocent and sweet. Unconsciously I began singing a soft lullaby to help him sleep.

_goodnight, my angel  
time to close your eyes  
and save these questions for another day_

_  
i think i know what you've been asking me  
i think you know what i've been trying to say  
i promised i would never leave you  
and you should always know  
wherever you may go  
no matter where you are  
i never will be far away_

_  
goodnight, my angel  
now it's time to sleep  
and still so many things i want to say_

_  
remember all the songs you sang for me  
when we went sailing on an emerald bay  
and like a boat out on the ocean_

_  
i'm rocking you to sleep  
the water's dark  
and deep inside this ancient heart  
you'll always be a part of me_

_  
goodnight, my angel  
now it's time to dream  
and dream how wonderful your life will be_

_  
someday your child may cry  
and if you sing this lullabye  
then in your heart  
there will always be a part of me_

_  
someday we'll all be gone  
but lullabyes go on and on...  
they never die  
that's how you and i   
will be..._

I finished singing and found him asleep with a soft smile on his lips. I smiled at the picture of innocence and closed my eyes, falling into oblivion and letting it take me where I could have my fantasies fulfilled.

**(......)**

Woot! Another update done! (nod) I am proud. I love little Sammy. He will later play an important part!!!! Am I going to tell you now? Nooo. Later? Maybe...

Reviewww!!


	9. Conversations

Last weekend was hell and this weekend has been hell so far. So please excuse the not-so-good updates.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own GW.

**(......)**

Okay, so I was surprised. I mean, _really_ surprised. This was the last place that I expected to see them but then again gundam pilots were known for the unpredictability. Don't tell me that you didn't know.

Well at least I know that they didn't find me intentionally. Probably just a fluke that they were here. Now as soon as they adopt the child that they want, they'll be on their way back home, to live a life of 'happily ever after'. And I of course had no problem with that.

...

Okay, maybe I had a teeny weeny problem with that. I mean it was great that they were happy and all, but I was jealous of what they had and of what I didn't. Which of course would be the same thing. Love, home, happiness...need I go on?

I mean, come on. If your friends showed up after five years you would be taken by surprise too. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them. But every time I did, it made ache inside. Made me want. Made me need.

Right now, it was about 6:00 in the morning and I was up drinking coffee in the kitchen. Yup, once addicted, always addicted. Whoo, caffeine buzz. Sweet.

"Duo?" I looked up to see a sleepy Quatre, dressed in those fuzzy blue pajamas that he wore so often, even after five years. I smiled at him and gestured him to come sit down with me.

"Morning, Quat." I greeted him pleasantly and he muttered back a greeting. I held back a chuckle as he flopped down on the chair and rested his head on his folded arms on the table.

"Tea?" I asked, getting up to put my mug in the sink.

"Yeah, thanks." He yawned and sat up slowly, his blond hair a mess.

"So what are you doing up so early?" I started a conversation as I put the kettle on the stove. Yes, I was still the gourmet chef, thank you very much.

"Hm, I usually get up at this time to go to work. Trowa gets mad at me for that, but I can't help it. There is so much to be done!"

"You can take a break, Quat." I soothed him gently. "One of you sister can manage WEI for a couple of weeks, can't they?"

"I know, but I just feel so responsible for it." He sighed and wrapped his hands around the warm cup of tea that I offered him.

"You're one person, Quat. You can't do everything. Don't you think you should spend some time with Trowa too?"

"I know I should. Sometimes we get these tickets in the mail that have a vacation for two and somehow on the days of the vacation, my schedule is clear. I don't know how that keeps happening every time!"

I smiled a soft smiled and sat back, keeping my eyes averted. "Maybe somebody noticed that you weren't looking so good, every time they saw you on television." I smirked at the look in his wide aquamarine eyes that I could spot out of the corner of my eye.

"That was you?!?!" You were the one who told my staff to clear my schedule every time?" I nodded, smiling at him.

"Yup that was me. I knew that you wouldn't take care of yourself and that you would worry Trowa half to death so I took it upon myself to help out." I shrugged slightly and played with the edge of the newspaper. I knew what was coming.

"Duo, why did you leave?"

I took and deep breath and exhaled loudly. Looking up at him with weary eyes, I asked. "Why do you think?" No answer.

"Heero and Wufei got married and were planning to move to a new house. You and Trowa got married and I would be intruding if I stayed in your place any longer. Where else would I go, Quat? L2 is the only place for a street rat like me."

"Don't say that!" He cried and for a minute I thought he was going to burst into tears. "Don't say that." He repeated in a softer voice. "You're not a street rat. You're Duo. My best friend."

"Your best friend who deserted you for five years? That's not what I would call a best friend, Quat."

"Damn it, Duo. Why did you have to leave? We wouldn't have deserted you."

"What could you have done, Quat? "I asked, exasperated. "I was wallowing in self pity back then. At least far away I had a chance of forgetting them."

"Do you want to forget them?"

"No, Damn it!" I half yelled. "No...but there is no other way. Do you know how much it hurts me to see them together and know that I could never have them? Do you know how much I want to be with them but I can't because neither of them would ever love me? Do you know how hard it is to live without them?"

"I...I..."

"What if Trowa wasn't there? What if you hadn't gotten married?" I saw his eyes widen in horror as he even thought about that possibility. "You couldn't possibly live without him, could you?"

He then stared at me with the most heart broken look in his eyes and I immediately wished I hadn't opened my mouth. Ever kicked a puppy? If you did, you would regret it instantly. That what I felt like, like I was throwing it in his face that he had a happy married life while I didn't.

"I...I'm sorry." I apologized quietly. "I went too far. Forgive me." I kept my eyes downcast but still heard him getting up from his chair and coming to kneel beside mine.

"Oh Duo, why wouldn't you let me tell them then? You wouldn't have had to leave." He said softly, taking my calloused hands into his own smooth ones.

I stared at our clasped hands and replied without looking up at him. "How do you know, Quat? They wouldn't come to love me overnight now would they? I had to leave either way." I marveled his naïveté even today. How can someone go through an entire war and still be so innocent? I looked at his hands and thought back to the day five years ago when he had confronted me.

"You know...that day when you found out, I compared your hands to mine, your life to mine." I stroked the soft palms with my rough fingers and looked into his eyes, seeing them marred with confusion. "Your hands and life, smooth, soft, happy and loving. My hands and my life, rough, calloused, tainted and troubled. What could we possibly have to do with each other?"

"Everything." He stated firmly. "We were comrades, partners and then friends. There is no blood on your hands that doesn't taint my hands as well. Sure, I had a more sheltered childhood and life in general and I don't know how big of a difference that is. But that still doesn't change the fact that you are my friend. You've let me cry on your shoulder countless times, now let me be there when you need me too. Won't you give me that honor?"

What could I possibly say to that? Quatre was a businessman, his words made a big impact. I stared at him speechless and was on the verge of throwing myself into his arms and sobbing, letting out everything that I had been holding back for the past seven years when Trowa walked in.

"Morning." I quickly let go on Quatre's hands and turned back to Trowa, blinking furiously to clear my vision of tears.

"Hey, Trowa." I greeted him back and he nodded at me before going over to Quatre to claim a kiss. I left the room while unnoticed and leaned back against the wall in the hallway and scrubbed my eyes clear.

"Get a hold of yourself, baka." I scolded myself and started up the stairs to go and wake up the other kids.

God, did I have to go through this all over again? After five years?

**(......)**

So hopefully, that wasn't too angsty and I'm trying to improve my writing. Thank you J. for you constructive criticism. This was dedicated to you.

REVIEW!


	10. Changes

I know that "Letting go" was screwed in the last chapter that I posted, so I'm probably going to rewrite it. If you haven't read that, please do and tell me how I can do better. still haven't found my muse...

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**(......)**

Lost deep in my thoughts, I did not see anybody coming, which is why I was rather startled when I ran into someone. I lost my footing, and my mind was screaming _Shit! Shit! Shit!_ And I was sure that I was going to fall down the stairs. My eyes shut tight for the impact...but none came.

_What the hell?_

I heard a low chuckle and heard a voice say. "No, Not hell. Not today." Only then I realized that the warm tight arms holding me against something solid. Something with a heartbeat.

My eyes fluttered open and I was left staring into deep pools of blue eyes. Wonderfully deep so that you could lose yourself in them. So very deep....

"Duo?" I blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. And then blushed.

"Sorry, Heero." I muttered trying to pull back. "Guess I should watch where I am going." I could feel the blood rushing to my face and wondered if he had noticed my face doing an imitation of a bright red tomato. Was it hot in there or was it just me? I started to step back and immediately found empty space beneath my foot. Panicking, I reached out and clutched his shirt, letting him pull me back into that safe embrace.

"Careful." He admonished in a voice more gentle than I had ever heard him speak. We were so close then, my chest pressed to his, his breath warm against my face. My breath hitched and I found myself staring at his lips that I felt were moving oh so sensuously.

"We should really stop meeting like this." He said wryly and that left me blank for one, two, three seconds before I realized that he was talking about yesterday. I flushed and this time pulled back carefully, stepping on to the step below. He gripped my waist to steady me and the warmth of his fingers seeping through my shirt almost made me swoon. He let go after a second, _is it just me or did he linger a bit?_, and stepped to one side. I mentally groaned at the loss of warmth. He stepped aside graciously, allowing me to pass.

"Thanks." I murmured as I climbed the stairs past him, wanting to get away from there.

"Duo..." I called and I halted in mid-step but I did not turn around. "I'm glad we found you." He said softly and I was surprised. Was that joy that I had heard in his voice? Nah couldn't be.

"Ah." I acknowledged his statement with a nod and then continued on upstairs. Still it gave me something warm to hold in my heart. Maybe he cared. Even if only as a friend, maybe he cared.

That set me off in a better mood and I walked into my room to see Kira awake and on her hands and knees trying to crawl around in the small space. She looked up as I walked in and blinked her large eyes at me.

"Hey there, baby girl. Sleep well?" I cooed to her softly as I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She gurgled happily and waved her arms about in the air, bouncing in my arms. Have I mention that she is the cutest thing in the whole universe?

"All right. Let's go meet the others." I walked out, stopping on my way to the children's room to wake them up. By the time I left, I had a whole flock of kids behind me, and Sammy trying to climb up my leg. Once I told him that I couldn't give him a ride just yet, because I was carrying Kira, he settled for holding my hand instead. I led the group down to the kitchen, chattering merrily.

Walking into the kitchen though, everyone halted as they saw four new unfamiliar faces. They started to huddle behind me, and believe me, with twelve kids, it can be hard. Some were just shy and some were scared, I could tell.

The only one who dared to go out there was Sammy. Letting go of my hand, he walked unsteadily towards the table, having to go on his hands and knees a couple of times. He made a beeline for Quatre and climbed up on his lap, struggling to get a hold of the blue pajamas. Once up, he sat there triumphantly and stuck his thumb in his mouth, looking around the table expectantly.

I wanted to laugh. Quatre looked good with a kid. I bet every single one of them did. The other children, renewed in their confidence, started to edge out towards the table. Wufei actually reached out a hand to draw a couple of the kids closer, Emily and Jason. Trowa had a five year old, Sasha, trying to grab his bang and two other kids, Linda and Eric were crowded around him. More kids migrated towards Quatre, feeling safe since Sammy was there. Jennifer, Tiffany and Christian. And then Heero...was holding the twins on his lap, Kristina and Adam. A soft smile played on his lips and blue eyes sparkled as he ducked his head to listen to Kristina whisper something in his ear. I saw him nod and hug her closer, looking very comfortable with them. When had things changed so much?

Heero looked up to meet my eyes and I blushed, realizing that I had been staring. Turning away and placing Kira on her high chair beside Heero, I walked over to the kitchen counter and greeted Tricia with a kiss on her cheek. Smiling, she handed me a tray of food and I went over to the table. Strangely enough the only chair free was between Trowa and Heero. I sat down and the tray was immediately assaulted with questing hands. Laughing I handed each of them their plate before digging in.

Things were definitely looking up.

**(......)**

Christmas was nearing. Well, it was still about three weeks away, but all the same. I was taking a couple of kids shopping later today and we would get a couple of things to add to our old decorations. This place glittered like a jewel during Christmas.

It had started to snow that afternoon. Yup L2's weather systems were screwed again. But it was rather pleasant. I hadn't seen snow in such a long time, and the kids were excited too. Most of them wanted to go out and play, and so I agreed, dressing them up in the warmest clothes that they had and sent them out in the back yard, watching over them from the back porch. I held Sammy in my arms, who was now sleeping with his head tucked into the curve of my neck. There is no better feeling than having a child trust you and be dependent on you. Even though I didn't want to show favoritism, Kira and Sammy did hold a special place in my heart.

"Duo?"

Turning around, I smiled at Wufei who had come on to the back porch. His hair fell freely on either side of his face and his cheeks were flushed, having a rosy tinge. In all, he looked adorable.

"Hey, Wufei." I greeted him. He walked towards the swing and sat down beside me.

"Weather's crazy, huh?" I asked as a means of staring a conversation.

"Yup, this happens during the winter all the time back on earth. I'm not particularly fond of it, though it seems to fascinate Heero to no end." He smiled softly to himself and I made no comment.

"There were times when I used to get frustrated because of being holed up in the house and during those times, Heero...He just used to take me in his arms and sooth me. We used to sit by the fireplace and just stare of into space, content with being each other. Being full time preventers often doesn't give us free time. Usually the days when we are snowed in is a relief, just so that we can see each other again. It's amazing. I'm still having a hard time believing that we are married. Even after five years. Who would have thought all of this to be possible during the war? No one did."

I stayed silent, running my singers through Sammy's soft hair, staring off into space. I wanted to listen to more. About their life. At least that way I would know how they have been doing all of these years.

"Except you." Huh? What was he talking about?

"You were always the one who used to brighten things up. You always had a positive outlook towards things, believing that we would get through the war and have normal lives. And we did. Just like you had predicted. Now all of us have settled down with the ones that we love. But what about you, Duo?"

"What about me?"

"I would have thought that you would be the first one to settle down. But it doesn't seem that way. Why is that?"

I laughed. I chuckled. My voice sounded hollow even to me. I stood up and walked a few steps forward, watching the other kids and spoke with my back to him. "Things change, Wufei. People change. Priorities change. Lives change."

I turned back towards him and found him watching me thoughtfully. "I've changed, Wufei. I'm not the same person I was. I'm not the same person who was once your best friend. Circumstance have changed me."

"Bullshit." He frowned and got up, walking towards me. "You are still Duo. You are still my best friend. Nothing has changed between us."

"For god's sake, Wufei." I hissed, holding Sam protectively. "You haven't seen me for a freaking five years. You've only been here for one day. How could you possibly say that things haven't changed?"

Something flashed on his face while I was speaking and once I was done, he raised a hand and placed it on my cheek. It was surprisingly warm.

"You called me Wufei. For three years after the war, you hardly called me that and it annoyed me that you didn't. And now that you don't, I find myself missing it. How ironic, ne?"

I was speechless. Slowly my cold hand came up to grip his warm one. Temperatures clashed and both of us shivered. I removed his hand from my cheek and stepped back dropping it. It seemed like finality.

"I can't be who you want me to be, Wufei. I can't be your best friend any longer." I brushed past him and walked towards the door leading inside, furiously blinking back tears.

"Why not?" He called after me.

I paused, thinking about it before answering. "Because then I would have to run away all over again."

**(......)**

hmm, this chapter came out pretty well without my muse. I suppose it's jsut Letting go that I need help with. That's all for now. Please REVIEW!


	11. Developments

Heh. A little late, but I think this chapter turned out good. Some new developments…

**Note:** Song once again is mine. It's the same one I used in "make you mine" Go read it if you haven't. I'm proud of that one shot! Only this time, I have the whole song in here. No stealing without my permission. But other thatn that. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Same old same old.

**(……)**

I was so tired. Just so damn tired.

This…secrecy, its wearing me out. It's getting harder and harder to be around them. I just want to tell them now. But that would mean ruining our relationship. It was rocky as it was but…I couldn't do that. After everything…One, I don't want to intrude on their perfectly happy lives and two, my relationship with them would change. So what if I didn't have that happy life? Hn, they could never love a screw up like me anyway. They're just too…perfect.

I don't know what came over me this morning. After all, Wufei was just trying to reaffirm our relationship. But…I didn't want to. I was…afraid, that if things went back to the way they had been before, I would run away. Again. It was the reason that I had left in the first place. I couldn't stay near them without drowning myself in self-pity. And yet it seems that I am doing the same far away from them.

I took Sammy back to the children's room, laying him down in his little bed and pulling the blankets over him. Brushing away a few stray bangs from that innocent face, I pressed a kiss to the small forehead and left the room quietly.

As I walked past the living room, I spotted Heero and Wufei sitting on the couch, talking in low tones. The twins lay on either side of them asleep, Kristina in the curve of Heero's right arm and Wufei in the curve of his left, head tucked under Heero's chin, while Adam lay under the curve of Wufei's left arm. They looked…so homely. I wondered what they were talking about.

I saw Heero place a tender kiss on top of Wufei's glossy hair and felt my chest tighten. They looked so sweet together, so…untainted. Not like me, who is plagued my nightmares almost every night. They don't have to stifle their horrified screams. Did not have to push all the painful memories down by day and relive them by night. And even if they did, they had each other for comfort.

I was startled out of my thoughts when Heero's eyes slid towards me and captured my stare. I felt the blood drain away from my face. I knew that Heero was a person who valued privacy a lot and he had just caught me intruding on them. Those blue eyes seemed to pierce me open in their hard, unforgiving stare and I felt my breath catch. I whirled away from them, running upstairs and to my room, slamming the door shut almost desperately, just wanting to get away from that piercing stare.

God, what was wrong with me? I couldn't even look at them anymore. Why? Why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much more than it did five years ago?

I found myself on the floor, my back against the door and curled up with my arms around my legs. I could feel tears in my eyes but blinked them back. I couldn't be that weak. Tears would get me nowhere. It would make me vulnerable. And I know that Heero and Wufei hate people who are weak. Its…the only thing that I have left. Their respect. Though it seems to be wavering right now.

I was being immature. I knew I shouldn't have intruded but their love for each other was just so sweet that…that I wanted to be a part of it too. Even if it was in the smallest way. Even if it was only by watching. By observing. By loving…lords, I need to get a hold of myself.

A sharp knock sounded in my door, and I heard Quatre's voice call to me. "Duo?" I chose not to reply. I did not want him to see the state I was in. Why was he here anyway?

"Duo, open this door right now. I know you're in there."

Surprised by his commanding tone, I found myself opening the door reluctantly. I saw Quatre frowning but as he saw me the frown immediately eased away, replaced by concern. Slipping into my room, he shut the door and immediately pulled me into a hug, arms tight around me.

I was startled. "What's wrong, Quatre?" I asked, concerned. Did something happen while I was in my room?

He pulled back and looked at me incredulously. I was a little slow, I didn't get it. "Did something happen?" I asked again. Something happened to Trowa? Or Wufei or Heero? What about the kids?

"Duo…" He sighed out, closing his eyes. Oookay. Now it's getting weird.

"Is everything all right?" I asked gently. Maybe I had been approaching this wrong.

Then he did something really strange. He _growled._ Not only that, he growled, threw his hands up in the air, stalked over to my bed and sat down exasperated.

"Why can't you be more SELFISH?!?!"

Excuse me?

"Um…" I fumbled for an answer but really how would you answer such a question? "I could try?" I responded confused.

"Gee, that would be a start." He retorted sarcastically and I held back a wince. I did not need more that one ex-gundam pilot mad at me. I brought a hand to the back of my neck and rubbed sheepishly, looking at the worn carpet on the floor.

"God, Duo, I came to see you." He said in a voice so full of pain that I jerked my head up to stare at him. I walked hesitantly towards the bed and sat down beside him, reaching out one hand to touch his shoulder.

"Are you okay? Did you need something?" I asked, squeezing his shoulder. "You know I'm here to help."

"Are _you _okay?" He asked me back and I blinked.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Duo…I know." He placed a hand over his heart then and I understood. Quatre knew. That's why he came to see me. Something was wrong with _me._

My hand fell away from his shoulder and I dropped my gaze, turning away. Why wasn't anything going right today? I clenched my fist and shut my eyes. God, I wanted to cry so bad.

Warm hands touched my cheeks and turned my face. I blinked my eyes open slowly and saw Quatre gazing at me.

"You haven't slept well at all." He murmured, his thumb rubbing my cheek just underneath my eyes. "I can see dark circles and your eyes are red. Like that day. And you look so pale and fragile. God, Duo, I felt so much pain radiating from you just minutes ago and you're telling me that you're fine? How much pain are you bottling up inside you?"

I was so close to tears then. I was sure that Quatre could see them too. Couldn't I just be weak just for once?

"I…I'm...I…"

"Please, let me be there for you, Duo. I wasn't there all those years ago and I'm so very sorry." He whispered. Tears fell on their own accord and I did nothing to stop them. By the gods, I didn't think I had any strength left to stop them.

"That's it. Just let go. I'm here for you." He drew me into his embrace and I just cried. I was clutching at him, my face buried against his neck, warm tears flooding me but…it wasn't sobbing. Sure, I had tears pouring down my cheeks but I didn't make a sound. Not one.

Then the door opened and someone stepped in. "Quat? Wh-" the words stopped and Trowa took in the scene. I pulled away from Quatre quickly and wiped my eyes, keeping them lowered.

I knew that a staring match was going on above me and I felt Quatre tense behind me as I heard footsteps walking away.

"Goddamnit." I heard the Arabian mutter as he got up and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. What had been going on?

The door had not been closed completely and I could hear the talking softly, but loud enough that I could hear them.

"Damn it, Trowa, I was just comforting him."

"…"

"Can't you see that he needs us?!?"

"…" Footsteps.

"Tro, please. Don't walk away."

"…I trust you. But I don't know if can trust him."

"What?! Trowa, he's my best friend."

"You know that I was never close to him, Quatre."

"Then get close to him, damn it!" Silence. And then softly, "He needs us. He can't go to Wufei or Heero. Please, this is killing him slowly. He's been in pain for so long. I need to help him."

"…okay."

I stayed rock still, going over what I had just heard. I was causing problems between Trowa and Quatre now. Argh! Can't I do anything right? I stood up and straightened my clothes, rubbing my face clear of any tear tracks. Damnit, I_ would not_ cause any problems. Not anymore. I grabbed my keys from my table and opened the door, to be greeted with the sight of them embracing. Quatre pulled back as he heard the door open.

"Duo…" when he saw the dangling keys in my hand, he looked back at me with concern. "Where are you going?"

"Out." I replied simply. I turned and walked down the hall, well aware of both of them watching me. I halted, finding it necessary to say something. "I…apologize for the misunderstanding. It…will not…happen, again." With that I quickly walked towards the stairs again.

"No, Duo! Wait! I-" But I was running down the stairs by then, down the hallway and out the front door. I got into my old car and slammed the door shut, revving up the engine and pulling out. I could not stay there any longer. Not right now. I needed some time alone.

I drove for a long time…I don't know how long. All I know is that I ended up at the memorial of the Maxwell church. Why was this happening? After five years? I was content with the what I had and then these guys pop up and all of a sudden my life goes haywire.

I'll admit I've never been close to Trowa. I mean…me being the jokester and him being the silent one all the time…we didn't really fit. So more that friends, I would have to say that we were acquaintances. I didn't not like him; I thought he was an okay guy. But he definitely didn't seem to like me. Cold, aloof…yup that pretty much describes his attitude towards me.

I sighed and got out of the car. This was getting me nowhere. Might as well catch up on some of my music. I hadn't played in a while. I walked to the back of my car and took out my old guitar from the trunk. I felt urges to play my music too often and many times I didn't have my guitar or anything that I could play with. I had a better one back at the orphanage but this one was cheaper and could survive being in the trunk. Not the best place to store it but it'll have to do.

I walked a little further of from the memorial to a small deserted park and sat near the lake. Tweaking my strings a bit, I got it in tune. I knew what song I wanted to play.

_I see you gazing at me  
__When the lights are low  
__I find myself staring back  
__Baby, you know_

_That I love you so…  
__Not strangers, no more…_

_In your embrace  
__I feel like I'm in heaven  
__You make me want to  
__Lose myself in you_

_Let me hold you forever  
__Baby my love…  
__Let me through…_

_Baby, Lend me your love just for tonight  
__And I'll show you that dreams do come true.  
__Open your heart for once and let me through.  
__  
Baby, Lend me your love for tonight  
__And I'll show that there is nothing without you.  
__All I need is you with me all night  
__And then we'll face the day together, just me and you…_

_All this time, I've been so lost  
__Searching for something, I didn't know what…  
__But then I found you…  
__And realized that there was nothing I could do without you…_

_I would reach for the stars if I could  
__And I would bring you back a special one  
__Just to show you my love  
__If you lend my your heart just once_

_I would cherish it with my life,  
__Oh my love  
__Take my hand and I'll show you the world  
__All you have to do is trust me…_

_Baby, I just need you by my side  
__Holding my hand…_

_Baby, Lend me your love just for tonight  
__And I'll show you that dreams do come true.  
__Open your heart for once and let me through.  
__  
Baby, Lend me your love for tonight  
__And I'll show that there is nothing without you.  
__All I need is you with me all night  
__And then we'll face the day together, just me and you…_

_Together…  
__Just me and you…_

I finished the ending chords and sat there for a long time, just…doing nothing. Not even thinking. It felt good to not worry about such things right now. It was just me. My music and me.

By the time I headed back, it was sundown. I didn't really care that I had missed lunch, never did eat more than two meals a day. I got into my car and started back, putting on the radio in my car. It felt good. Felt…nice.

However all that vanished as I headed up the street to the orphanage. Which happened to be swarmed with fire trucks and the orphanage itself was…!!!

"Duo!!" Quatre yelled as he came running. I slammed my car door closed and met him half way.

"What the hell happened???" I shouted over the sirens as both of us ran towards the flaming wreckage. Oh my god, this was not happening. Not again.

"A fire somehow started in the kitchen and before we knew it the whole thing was up in flames!!" He informed me as we skidded to a stop in front of it.

"Is everyone okay? Heero, Trowa, Wufei??" I asked urgently.

"Yes, they are fine."

"What about the children?" I looked around frantically and found Tricia a little further off with a cluster of kids around her.

"They're okay. We got them out." I nodded and then ran towards the children, finding Kira nestled in Tricia's arms. I counted the heads of the children and found only eleven. What the hell? I counted again and still found only eleven. I scanned the group of children and my eyes widened as I realized who wasn't there.

Sammy.

Goddamit!! He must still be in there. I left the children and ran towards the flaming building only to be stopped by fire fighters.

"Sir, you can't go in there!"

I glared at the man fiercely, struggling against his hold. "Let me go, dammit. There's still a kid in there!!"

"None of us can go it there now, sir! It's too dangerous! There is no way anyone can get out alive!"

"I…DON"T…CARE!" I renewed my efforts and succeeded in breaking his hold only to have someone else stop me.

"Are you fXcking nuts?!?!" Heero yelled as he held my arms behind my back. "You'll die if you go in there!"

"Goddamit, Heero! Sammy's still in there! Let me go!" I yelled, pulling as hard as I could.

"You can't go in there!!" He repeated.

"The hell I can't!" I wrenched my arms out of his hold, surprising him with my strength and sprinted towards the orphanage. The last thing I heard before I entered was a loud shout.

"DUOOO!"

**(……)**

and well that's that. Once again, Thanks you J! for the betaing of course! huggles please REVIEW! point point


	12. Shh, Duo

I ran into the building with but a single thought. Sammy and getting him out of there. I heard the commotion behind me but didn't bother to look behind. I knew it was about me.

I was in. And facing a wall of flames that wanted to devour me. The smoke in the air was so thick that it clogged my lungs and caused me to start coughing. Damn. I did not need this now. Pulling my collar up to cover my nose and mouth, I scanned the burning room. God, it was so hot. I could feel beads of sweat running down the back of my neck. I blinked my eyes and scrunched them to try and see better through the smoke. Where would Sammy possibly be? A few of the beams had fallen down and were blocking my way further into the house. I took a step forward and was immediately thrown back as another beam fell.

Shit. Damn. Crap.

I hit one of the burning walls on my right side and hissed. Damn, that hurt. I could feel the skin peeling and the smell of charred flesh assaulted me. I wrenched myself away from the wall, groaning and holding my arm close to my side. It hurt worse that anything I've ever felt and believe me, I've had to go through a lot.

I could see my vision start to go gray. Dammit, but this was not the time. I still had to find Sammy. Staggering forward, I managed to focus again a little better. Damn. That beam was blocking my way. I was moving forwards when I heard someone yell.

"DUO!"

I whipped my head around and saw Heero come in. What the hell was he doing on here? I spotted me and came running towards me, pushing me to the side and diving out of the way himself as something else fell from above. I cried out as my arm came forcefully in contact with the ground. And though I usually wouldn't mind Heero on top of me, this really was not a good time.

He pulled back immediately as soon as I cried out though. "Duo?" He looked at me, worry clouding his eyes, I would realize later. "Come on, Let's get you out of here."

"NO!" I refused his hand to help me up and struggled on my own. "I can't leave without finding him."

"Listen to me! We found Sammy outside. We need to get out of here now." He took a hold of my good arm and pulled me up. "Sammy's with the others. Come with me."

Sammy was all right! He was okay! Relief flooded through me and I knew I had a silly smile on my face. "He's okay." I remember murmuring before falling into the welcoming darkness.

**(……)**

I woke up feeling extremely disoriented and my mind in a haze. My head was pounding and I found myself lying on my back. Why was I lying on my back? I always slept on my side. Only then did I register the numbness on my arm and strangely, the lack of pain.

I heard voices whispering softly but I wasn't able to make out whose it was. I tried to move, and an involuntary moan escaped me as I felt the stiffness of my muscles. Damn, how long was I out for? The voices stopped.

And then… "Duo?" I blinked my eyes open to come face to face with two pairs of eyes. One cobalt and one onyx. Heero and Wufei.

"Hey." I whispered, my throat dry. Immediately, I started coughing. I felt a pair of hands steady me and another pressed a glass of water to my lips. I gladly accepted, letting the cool water sooth my throat but couldn't hold my head up. Another hand came and cupped the back of my head and held my head up as I drank. It was a relief to not have to talk with a sore throat.

"Thanks." I murmured once I was done and let my head slip back onto the pillow. Heero's hand let go and slipped around my neck to caress my cheek gently. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. I did not wonder then as to why he was being so…nice.

"How do you feel?" Wufei asked.

"Can't feel much at all." I murmured back, without opening my eyes. Probably was the morphine or some sort of painkiller. "How long have I been out?"

"42 hours." Heero replied and his voice was…strange.

"Damn." No wonder I felt so stiff. My mind replayed the events of that night and I suddenly started.

"Sammy! Is he okay? What about the other children? Tricia? I-" I was cut off as finger was placed on my lips.

"Hush." Wufei chided gently. "They are all fine. They are with Quatre and Trowa." I relaxed back onto the bed.

"So everyone's all right?"

"Yes…" Heero answered me this time. "Everyone except you." I chuckled dryly. Fingers stroked through my hair and it felt oddly comforting. I could feel the short strands falling across the side of my…short? What the hell?

I reached up to still the hand and then felt the short hair for myself. It was…gone. My braid. My most treasured and precious possession was…gone. My fingers curled around my shoulder length hair in frustration and pulled.

"No, Duo. No." Hands worked my fist free and I shut my eyes tight, holding back incoming tears. It had been the only thing that I had left of my childhood. Of the Maxwell church. Of sister Helen. And now, It had been burnt.

Shudders started though my body as I forced down my sobs. I felt someone pressing a kiss to my temple and holding me tight, tucking my head in against a warm crook of someone's neck. I breathed in and realized that it was Wufei.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Duo." He whispered to me in a choked little voice and I clutched at him, my hacking sobs shaking my body. God, it hurt so much worse than getting burnt. I was going to forget them. I didn't have a remainder any longer.

"No, no Duo. You won't forget them. They'll always be in your heart. In your memories. You won't forget."

I would. I would and then what would happen? Their sacrifices for me would be in vain because I would not have the courtesy to even remember them. I would forget.

"Shh, Duo…"

**(……)**

_I was a child again, standing amidst of the flames, though the truth was that I was never there. The church was burning around me and I was trying in vain to find sister Helen or father Maxwell or…just about anybody. Then I find her. Sister Helen._

_I crouch down and take her into my arms, asking her to not go._

"_Sister Helen…"_

"_Duo…"_

_Then I look up to see father Maxwell, flesh burnt and charred, standing in front of me. The other kids were there as well, in a similar state. Sara, Annie, Rex, Josh, Freddy, Mia, Lizzie, George, Jared. They were all there._

"_How could you, Duo?" Father Maxwell asked. "How could you do this to us? I thought we meant something. I thought you wouldn't kill us…"_

"_Why, Duo?" Suddenly sister Helen's face became just as gruesome as the others. I dropped her like I was burnt, backing away. "Why did you do this?"_

_Then came a chorus of 'Why'-s, from the other children, overlapping each other, echoing, forcing me to back away when Solo emerged to my right. He grinned that lopsided grin at me._

"_You keep this up, kid and you're going to be all alone."_

_All alone…_

"_But…I didn't mean to." The child in me started to protest. I turn around to run and face a very very tall, hooded figure with flowing black robes. _

_Shinigami…_

**(……)**

I woke up screaming. The same nightmare. All over again. I warned you didn't I? But strangely enough…I wasn't alone in the dark. I felt two pairs of arms holding me. And soft voices lulling me back to sleep.

"Shh. Duo…"

No dreams.

**(……)**

It was morning. It was bright. I did not like it.

Moaning, I buried myself further into someone's arms and hid my face against the glaring light. "Damned sun…" A low chuckle rumbled and the chest beneath my ear moved. That's when I realized where I was and who I was with.

Heero. In front of me. Wufei, behind me. And me? Snuggled in between them. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks and only hid my face further.

"Awake, yes?" I nodded hesitantly. Silence stretched out long and uncomfortable. Then Wufei sighed and spoke.

"Duo? Would you like…to come back to earth?"

Excuse me? Did I hear that right?

"I know it might seem sudden and all but since you and the children don't have a place to stay, we could have you stay at our estate." So this was out of pity. Not out of love. Huh. Figures.

"That's okay." I said shortly. "We can manage here." I pulled away from them as much as I could and struggled to get up. Damn uncooperative muscles! Move!

"Stop it." Heero said sharply. He sat up with me and took a hold of my arm, meeting my glare squarely. "We are not doing this out of pity." So he figured me out. Big deal.

"Let me go." I gritted out. I wasn't in the mood for a lecture.

We had a staring contest. Cobalt met amethyst. In my imagination, electricity sparkled between us. So intent was our gaze.

And then, without blinking, he leaned in very close to me and said,

"No."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Damn it, what do you want from me?"

"Say yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

Damn. I had fallen right into that one. I must have been even more out of it than I thought I was. As for Heero, he had this goddamn smirk on his face that was absolutely infuriating.

"I'm still not going." I said firmly.

"You said yes." I wanted to wipe that smirk of his face.

"You tricked me."

"You never lie."

"Within my knowledge."

And then another staring contest. I heard a sigh but refused to blink. Then warm arms were wrapping around my waist and I felt Wufei rest his forehead on my shoulder.

"Please?"

Startled, I lowered my eyes, breaking the stare. How could I say no, when he pleaded like that? One word was enough.

"Why?" I asked hoarsely.

"Because." He replied, his breath washing warmly across my shoulder.

"Because why?" I persisted.

After a moment of silence, Heero responded. "Because we love you."

**(……)**

…

…what?

He couldn't have said what I thought he just he?

"We love you." He repeated. He did say it! "We always have, but we were afraid that you wouldn't want us."

"Please come back with us, Duo." Wufei asked, kissing my shoulder tenderly. I shivered.

"I-I can't. The children. I have to take care of them. And then there's Tricia-" I was babbling and I knew it. But…this was overwhelming.

"Stop making excuses, Duo." Heero said harshly. "We told you, already. They will come with us also. We want you with us. This isn't where you belong."

"Where else then?" I asked wearily.

He cupped my face and kissed me then. An electric shock raced up my spine as his lips touched mine. So warm, so soft, so gentle and infinitely tender. My first kiss.

"With us." He murmured against my lips, his fingers caressing my cheek tenderly. My heart constricted. They wanted me. For real. This isn't some sort of a joke, is it?

"Don't play with me, Heero." I said harshly, pulling back to glare at him. "If this is some kind of a joke-"

"Oh god, no!" He moaned and pulled me back against him, kissing me again, feverishly. Hm…I could get used to this. "This is no joke. We let you go the first time. We don't intend on making the same mistake again. Please believe me."

"I want to." I whispered to him my forehead resting against his. "I want to. I'm scared, Heero." And I was. So very scared. "Don't you dare back out on this. I won't be able to withstand it."

"Never." Wufei whispered and tightened his arms, searching for my lips. I tilted my head back and let him take the kiss that he wanted. Shivers raced through my body as I fell into the kiss.

"Take me back then." I whispered, looking into his eyes, praying that this wasn't a dream. Could I trust them? I did, with my life. But with my heart? I brushed away those questions for now and smiled at him. He smiled back at me softly and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Of course, love." And the joy shining in his eyes was enough. I was going back.

**(……)**

NOT THE ENNNDD! (glare) see? Not the end…more stuff…you don't think I'll finish this story without torturing Duo some more, now do you? Heh.

REVIEW! (points)


	13. My beautiful lover

Vacation has started!! WoOt! I am sooo happy!! Eeeeee! Righto…..

Neways, next update is here. Kinda the transition between L2 and earth. Heh. Hope you enjoyezz…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gundam wing. However, the song "**My beautiful lover."** Is written by me. So if you want to borrow it, do ask before taking. Some of my stuff is posted on fiction press . com under the 'MelodiousEarth' and do review if you read. Thanks!

**(……)**

Three weeks later, I found myself in Quatre's private shuttle, along with the children and Tricia and, of course, my fellow ex-pilots. It was strange…being with them again. They had all grown up, left behind their childish tendencies and grown into strong, confident men. And where did I fit in all of this?

Actually, I didn't. I'm still not sure whether it is a good idea for me to make this trip. Do you know how hard it is when you have Heero and Wufei giving you the _look_? I just don't have the heart to say no to them. And they know it! Manipulators, both of them.

But at the same time, part of me wants to go. The part that is, actually, ecstatic and is jumping up and down in excitement. And then there is the logical part, which is really not sure if this is for best. I know that they want me to be with them. Hell, over the past three weeks, they've been proving to me that they do. Mothering me, until I was ready to scream with frustration. I nearly blew up at them. Thankfully Trowa saved them from that ill fate.

It had been the week before we took off back to earth. Quatre had rented a house for the remainder of the stay and I had been in my room, alone, blissfully content to be by myself. I had snuck away from my boyfriends, (it feels strange to say that now) and gotten myself up to my room without a peep. They were _really _getting on my nerves.

I had been there, maybe, fifteen minutes, when I heard it. Loud and clear.

"DUO!"

Up the stairs came pounding feet, running right up to my door and barraging in. I dropped my head in my hands and was just sitting there slumped. So much for being alone.

"Duo!" Heero rushed over to my side, falling to his knees is front of me. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" He took my hands and pulled them away from my face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Heero." I had told him, touched by the concern showing in his face but at the same time, even more frustrated. Wufei sat down beside me and put a hand on my forehead to see if I had a temperature. I snapped then.

I slapped his hand away and rose. "Dammit I'm fine!"

"Duo…" Wufei had begun in that soft soothing voice but I didn't want to hear it. "We're just wor-"

"I know!" I snapped. "All right? I know you are worried. But you don't have to be, I'm fine! I don't need you two mothering me all the time!"

Both of them had stared back at me in shock.

"Heero, Wufei." Trowa had called from the doorway and titled his head towards the hallway outside. Both Asians had been baffled, but followed him outside. I sighed in relief. Gone finally. Then Trowa had come back in and shut the door, locking it.

"Trowa?"

"It's time to change your bandages again." He replied and had started taking out the supplies and getting to work. I simply stared at him, watching him work. After a few minutes, he dared to venture out into the silence.

"They…they just don't want you to leave them again." He said hesitantly.

"I'm not going to." I had replied softly.

"I know that." He sighed out, gently patting a wet cloth on my burns. "But they don't. They lost you once. I don't think they could stand losing you again."

"It's just so…frustrating. I'm not a damn invalid. I can take of myself." I had defended myself half-heartedly.

"They know that. We know that. But it makes them feel secure. To take care of you. But when you don't accept…" He had trailed off.

I had frowned at him. "What?"

"You…you're afraid to trust again. When you push them away, they feel like you don't trust them to take care of you. Duo, every time they try to get close to you, you put up theses shields and back away from them."

"It's hard not to." I had admitted.

"I know. But its not harmful to indulge them once in a while. I'm not saying that you have to put up with their protectiveness, but to a certain extent, let them be. Also let them know when you want your privacy. They'll listen."

I had sat and thought about it while he finished working. When he got up to put away the supplies, I had caught his arm. "Thank you."

He lowered his eyes and nodded once. "I know that you and I have never been very close, but when they get to be too much, come to me. I'll listen."

I had smiled at him then and let his arm go. I would have liked to hug him, but it was too soon. I had thanked him and he left. Heero and Wufei gave me a few minutes of privacy, before coming in, subdued.

We had a talk and I told them how I felt. Amazingly, they did accept. It was funny to watch them. They were looking at me with guilt and when I finally told them that I wasn't mad at them, they had lunged at me and hugged me half to death.

So Trowa and I were on better terms than we had been, even friends, I would say. Unconsciously, my eyes scanned the shuttle and I found Trowa holding Sam in the air. He really would make a good father. He turned and caught my eyes, the one visible green eye twinkling merrily before he turned back to Sammy, but not before sparing a quick glance at his husband.

I followed his line of sight and found Quatre dozing on the couch. Even though he had grown taller, he seemed very small curled up on the couch, with his bare feet tucked in. He had on arm underneath his head, and I could see his body rise and fall with each breath. Hm, he must have been tired. It was past eleven o'clock right now. I wasn't too tired but I felt I should retire to my room anyway to leave them alone.

Once in my room, I picked up my guitar and sat on my bed. I had recently written a new song and I wanted to try it out. It had been a while since I had played. I strummed a few experimental chords, thinking about my beginning.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and I gasped when I felt soft lips brushing a kiss behind my right ear.

"Not sleepy?" Heero asked in a husky tone. How he always managed to get inside my radar, I don't know.

"Mm, not yet." I replied, leaning back against his chest, fingering my guitar. I really wanted to play something but I wasn't sure if I should do it in front of Heero.

"Hmm, play something." He murmured, as his hand came and held mine, tracing both our hands over the strings. He let my hand go and hugged me again. Smiling softly, I picked up my guitar and started to play my opening chords.

_When the stars sprinkle down on earth  
__And the sun gives way to the moon  
__The light is just as radiant  
__As it was in the noon_

_Pure and beautiful  
__It's shines so brightly amongst the stars  
__And I compare the light from the moon to you,  
__The light of my life, the light of my love_

_Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover  
__In your arms, I feel so content…  
__Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover,  
__The moon could never compare to you…_

I felt Heero's hand pulling off my hair tie and unraveling the short braid. Smiling as he buried his face in my hair, I continued.

_Along the sands of time  
__We walk hand in hand together  
__Never let go  
__Don't break the cycle ever_

_Meant to be together  
__We'll always be  
__For each other  
__Always and forever_

_Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover  
__In your arms, I feel so content…  
__Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover,  
__The moon could never compare to you…_

_Lonely nights are nevermore  
__Haunting me, while I'm in your arms  
__Holding on to your love  
__Just holding on to you…_

_Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover  
__In your arms, I feel so content…  
__Beautiful  
__My beautiful lover,  
__The moon could never compare to you…_

_Together…always and forever…_

I finished playing the ending chords and applause broke out. I looked up to see, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Tricia standing in the doorway, radiant smiles on their faces.

"That was pretty." A sleeping looking Quatre informed me as he leaned against Trowa. His hands, I could see were entwined tightly with his husband and I wondered if the song affected him.

"Thanks, Quat." I replied back, smiling as Trowa led Quatre away towards their room. Tricia shook her head, smiling and went back to the main room and then it was just Wufei, who just stood there, with that wonderfully soft smile on his face.

"What?" I asked finally. He merely walked over to my bed and climbed on to it, kneeling in front of me. Lifting own hand, he cupped my cheek in his warm palm as he murmured softly.

"You never cease to amaze me." He kissed me, slowly and gently, his lips warm and soft. He was such an amazing kisser. Not that I had much experience, but still.

He pulled back slowly, his lips lingering on mine until the last second, pecking my lips once last time for good measure. His onyx eyes glittered passionately in the dim lights of the room.

"Wonderful…who was that song about?" Heero asked, finally unburying his face from my hair and nuzzling my neck.

"Take a wild guess…Beautiful." I teased gently, nudging him. He sighed, his lips coming to trace the corner of my eye.

"If I am beautiful, then you must be a deity sent from the heavens just for us." I blushed at his comment. Heero could be so sweet sometimes and he didn't even know it!

"Yeah right." I said indifferently, but Wufei shushed me.

"Don't. You _are_ beautiful. More beautiful than anyone else I have ever met." He stared intently into my eyes until I had to look away unnerved by his smoldering gaze.

"So I'm not beautiful any longer?" Heero asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Wufei chuckled, sliding over to his side and leaning against him hard enough that Heero had to unwrap one arm from my waist to pull his husband close to him.

"No, you are beautiful too. Just in a more masculine way." Wufei teased, tilting his face up and asking for a kiss that Heero gladly gave. Watching them, my doubts arose once more. Do I even belong with them?

"Hmm." Wufei hummed, his eyes closed even after the kiss ended. Heero chuckled and started to unbutton Wufei's shirt and Wufei in turn unbuttoned Heero's. I felt my eyes widen. They weren't going to…you know…were they?

"Duo…" Wufei half-chided me, tugging the hem of my shirt. "Get out of your clothes. Surely you don't want to sleep in them?"

Blushing madly and mentally smacking myself, I pulled away from Heero and brought my fumbling fingers to the hem of my shirt. Of course, they wouldn't while I am here. Struggling to pull it off without aggravating my burns, I sighed in relief as the shirt finally came off my head and then gasped as my lips were suddenly taken in a fierce kiss.

"Beautiful…" Heero murmured against my lips and I relaxed against him, my eyes slipping shut as I gave into the gentle assault. It tasted so sweet.

Then…it became slightly more suggestive. His hands started to run over my bare back and his kiss became a little more aggressive. No…I-I couldn't. Not yet. I instinctively backed off again, placing one hand against his chest and pushing him back slightly. He broke the kiss and met my eyes, holding them in his hooded gaze. I felt shivers working up and down my spine and fought the urge to tremble. Please, let him understand.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded. "I know. It's okay." He whispered softly into my ear and pulled me into a gentle embrace, just…comforting. He did understand, I thought to myself as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

I felt him turn slightly and pull Wufei to us, guiding us back to lie on the bed. He pulled out the comforter from underneath us and wrapped us up in it.

"I must be the luckiest man in the world." He sighed out, running his hands through our hair. "The only one with two beautiful men all to himself."

"Yup, you are." Wufei replied, eyes dancing with mirth as he laid his head on Heero's chest and reached out for my hand to entwine our fingers together. "Go to sleep, baka." He whispered softly, before his eyes slid shut.

"I thought that was my line?" Heero asked me, raising an eyebrow. I merely shrugged, a smile pulling at my lips. "Oh well, good night, love." He dropped a kiss on top of my head and closed his eyes. I pillowed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes too.

"Good night…"

"…Beautiful."

**(……)**

**Do leave a Review!! You don't know how much your thoughts on this story means to me…**


	14. Doubts

Wow! Long time since I've updated. Heh. Sorry for the delay. I had finals that pretty much took over my life for the past couple of weeks. Good news is that I have an A in Chemistry Honors! But I bet you could care less so moving on…

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** I have **NOT ABANDONED** my other stories. Since I don't really have the time to update as often, I'm just doing one story at a time. I will try to update the others but no guarantees. This story will be updated more frequently than the others and once I finish this I will work on updating the other stories more frequently. I promise. I will not start any new stories either. Heh.

I do ask those who are interested to visit my deviant art account. Could use feedback if you are an artist. Or even if you are not, just let me know what looks bad and what looks good. Visit at: www. dragonlyre . deviantart . com

Finally! On with the chapter:

**(……)**

Did I mention that I have never lived in a house? Well, not counting the safe houses and the orphanage. Well, I haven't. So when I found myself standing in front of the massive house, that could rival Quatre's mansion, I was…in shock.

It was…huge. Monstrous, but in a nice way. It was white with a red tiled roof and was quite beautiful really. Off to the sides, I could see trees and gardens that seemed to just go on forever. The estate was BIG. Really.

So I stood there, staring at the house, with my bags at my feet and my mouth open. I wasn't until someone wrapped me up in their arms that I realized that I was spacing out. Turning my head, I saw Wufei smiling at me warmly.

"Welcome home, Duo." He said and kissed me softly. Closing my eyes, I laid my hands on top of his where they rested on my waist and melted into the kiss. I still couldn't get over how good of a kisser he was.

"Yeah…home." I murmured softly as I pulled back. He just grinned at me in return and I knew I made him happy by saying those words.

"Come on." He let go of my waist and clasped my hand, leading me towards the house. I let my eyes wander around. It was beautiful. It looked like there were fields of flowers stretching out and then to the other side there was a little gazebo near a pond. The front door was actually about fifteen steps up and once I got close, that's when I realized how massive the door was. It was HUGE. Maybe fifteen to twenty feet tall.

Wufei unlocked the door and led me inside, almost dragging me. The inside was just as beautiful as the outside, if not even more. The hallway led to the living room, which was artfully finished with a few select pieces of mahogany. The room was large. Then off to the side, there were double doors that led to the entertainment center. I could see a massive TV and a music system, along with other things. There was also a spiraling staircase that led upstairs from what I could see. Wow. This looked like something out of a magazine.

Wufei led me up the stairs, tugging me along. "I want you to see your room." He told me as we came across another hallway. He led me to one of the huge double doors and opened it, stepping inside. I let myself be pulled forward into the room and gasped.

The room was breathtaking. There was a huge bed in the center with a canopy on top, with gauzy white sheets. Then off to the left there was a huge dresser and the closer to the door, there was a desk with a computer on top of it. There were vases of flowers all around the room and a breeze blew in from somewhere.

"Come on. This is the best part." He led me towards two glass doors and opened them, stepping out into a terrace.

"Oh my god…" I heard someone whisper, someone who distinctly sounded like me. I moved forward into the sunshine, taking in the breathtaking scenery. The terrace itself was massive. There was a swing in the corner closer to the edge that could easily fit three people. There was a table in the center with a vase of flowers and the terrace itself was tiled with marble.

"Do you like it?" Wufei asked me softly. I turned back to look at him, to find him gazing at me.

"I…" What could I say? I did like it. I loved it. But this was…it was too much. God, street rats aren't supposed to get all of this. What was wrong with this picture?

"Don't!" I suddenly found it hard to breathe and realized that Wufei had me wrapped up in his arms before I could blink. How did he cover that much distance in mere seconds, I have no idea. All I knew was that he was holding me fiercely, as if I would disappear if he let go.

He was murmuring something and it took me a second before I could comprehend it.

"…don't say that. You're not a street rat. God, don't say that. I love you…" Had I said that out loud? Damn, I hated it when I did things without knowing. I wrapped my arms around his neck and murmured back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Really, this is all wonderful, I was just surprised. I…I wasn't expecting all of this. I mean…no one has ever…" I dropped off and just held him tightly, returning his embrace just as fiercely. I hadn't meant for him to hear that. But it was true. Orphans don't get things like this. It was…bizarre. It was strange. And oddly enough, it hurt.

He rained kisses on top of head and whispered to me fiercely. "Don't ever think that you don't deserve it. God, I would give the world to you if I could. You deserve so much more…"

I pulled back and glared at him. "Do not be absurd." I told him sharply, glaring at him. "This is all and more than anything that I ever would want. This is…more than enough." I finished, keeping my voice from breaking

He raised his hand and cupped my cheek. I leaned into his touch and smiled. Smiling back, he leaned forward and kissed me gently.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked me.

"Aa." I nodded and leaned into his embrace again, burying my face against his neck. What would have been a tender moment was interrupted by a loud rumble. From my stomach.

Wufei chuckled against the top of my head. "I'm guessing you are hungry?"

"I'm guessing you are right." I replied back, pulling away reluctantly. He kept an arm wrapped around my waist as he led me back downstairs and into the kitchen, which was just as magnificent as the rest of the house.

I was helping him make some sandwiches when Heero entered the kitchen. Walking over to us, he stole a kiss first from Wufei and then from me. I was surprised for a moment. It seemed so…casual. As if he did this almost everyday. Maybe he did. Maybe I just wasn't used to it.

"The kids are settled into their rooms." He told us. "The trip tired them out so they are asleep. Tricia is also resting."

"Okay. Where do you have Kira settled?" I asked, anxious to see my baby. I haven't checked up on her since this morning, and I felt bad.

"She's up in Tricia's room. Why?" He asked me as small frown creasing his forehead. Just then a wail rose up that could be heard around the house.

I grinned at him and wiped my hands in a towel. "That's why. Which room is she in?"

"Two doors to the right of your room." Heero replied and stepped aside to let me go. I quickly went upstairs and went to Tricia's room. Knocking, I waited until I heard a 'Come in!' before opening the door. I saw Tricia holding Kira, trying to comfort her in vain.

"Here. Let me have her." I said, walking over to Tricia and picking up the baby from her arms and cuddling her. Her wails stopped instantly as she recognized me.

"Hey there, baby girl. Awake already?" She gurgled and waved her arms. I nodded to her squeals and gurgles, pretending to understand her. "Yes, of course. We'll go down and meet your uncles, okay?" Turning to Tricia, I told her to go back to sleep and walked out of the room shutting the door quietly.

Walking down the stairs, I walked into the kitchen and stopped short.

Heero and Wufei...were lip locking like crazy. Heero's hands were buried in Wufei's silky hair while Wufei's hands were clutching frantically at Heero's shirt. Looking at them, I felt like a voyeur and averted my eyes, and tried clearing my throat. Didn't work. Finally I decided to interrupt before things got out of hand.

"And this is an example of what hormones do to you, sweetie." I said to Kira, gesturing towards the couple. "Also why you can never trust these two men alone." Heero and Wufei broke it off, blushing. Wufei ran a hand through his hair, trying to smooth out the tangles while Heero straightened his shirt.

"Jealous?" He asked me playfully. And I will tell you that Heero Yuy will surprise the hell out of me until the day I die. Did he just tease me?

"Maybe…" I replied, walking towards them. When I got close enough, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"Don't worry. I still love you." He pressed a kiss to my cheek and withdrew. I blushed and looked away. They kept saying it. That they loved me. And I couldn't say it back. It was almost as if they said the words too casually. Did it mean something to them after all? Did I mean something to them?

"What is it?" Heero asked me, frowning. "You're thinking something." I shook my head at him.

"It's nothing." I replied, giving what I hoped was a reassuring smile. His frown eased and he smiled back at me, wrapping an arm around my waist and looking down at Kira.

"Hi Kira." He greeted her, running one finger down her smooth cheek. Kira shrugged her shoulder, trying to evade the tickling caress and giggled. Squealing happily, she stretched fidgeting fingers towards Heero who laughed and took her from my arms.

"So you _do _recognize me." He said with a chuckle. Kira babbled back to him. Looking at them, I realized that I needed to talk to them about their adoptions.

"So…have you guys given any thought about which kids you are planning to adopt?" I asked as I picked up my sandwich and leaned back against the counter. I was hoping that they had decided to adopt Sammy or Kira. Or both. Wufei and Heero looked at each other and back at me.

"We wanted to adopt Kristina and Adam, along with Emily." Wufei told me. So they didn't choose Kira or Sammy. I nodded, without meeting their eyes. I could feel my heart clench.

"Is that okay, Duo? Or is there someone that you want?" yeah, Sammy and Kira. And all the others. But…these two men…they had already done so much for me. And I would still be able to see Sammy and Kira even after we moved into an actual orphanage. That would be fine. It would.

"No, that's fine." I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. I kept my eyes carefully averted from them.

"Quatre and Trowa decided that they wanted to adopt Sasha and Sam."

…

what?

"Sam?" I repeated, proud that my voice was steady. Wufei nodded and gave me a little smile.

"Yeah. He loves the little kid now, even Trowa is taken with him." He chuckled lightly, shaking his head in amusement. Inside, I was crumbling. Sammy was going to leave? I could always deny the adoption…but I knew that he would be taken care of in the Winner household. Damn it, I know I shouldn't be partial but…

"-Duo?" I blinked and saw Wufei beside me, looking concerned. How did he get here so fast?

"Huh?" was my intelligent reply.

"Are you okay?" He asked, raising one hand to touch my cheek. "You seem kind of pale, all of a sudden."

"Uh…yeah. I'm okay. Just a little worn out." And I was tired. That might not have been the reason as to why I happened to be pale but I was tired. So it wasn't a lie.

"Why don't you go rest a while?" Heero suggested. It probably was a good idea. I nodded my assent and stood up.

"Yeah, ok. Wake me up for dinner though. I want to see the kids. Take care of Kira?" Heero nodded and gave my hand a quick squeeze before letting go. I moved away from them and towards the stairs, carefully keeping my eyes down. I didn't want the meet their eyes just then. I walked up quickly, glancing briefly at the pictures that littered the wall. They were all the pictures of Heero and Wufei, or the other pilots taken in the years that I had been gone. Their wedding pictures were there too.

It seemed that many things had happened while I had been away. There were pictures of Noin and Zechs, of Une and the rest of the Preventors. Pictures of Wufei's dojo, pictures of Relena and her parties. So many things had happened, I had missed all of them.

I walked on upstairs to my room, quiet enough not to wake anybody. Slipping quietly into my room, I looked around. Though the bed looked inviting, the swing outside looked more appealing. Snatching a blanket off the bed, I stepped to the refreshing air and the cool breeze. Walking to the swing, I settled myself on it, sitting with my upper body propped up on one side and my legs stretched out, the blanket covering me. I stared out into the vast distance as thoughts assaulted my head.

It has been a long time since I had been with someone. Actually, more like never. It was always one or two dates before they realized that I wasn't really interested. Some were sympathetic, some felt used. I had stopped after the first three or four times of that happening.

You have to understand why I am so hesitant with being in this relationship. I couldn't even tell them that I loved them. I know I do. Well, I think I do. I did once anyway, but…argh, this is so frustrating!

I have absolutely zero experience in being in a steady relationship. I didn't know the do's and don'ts. Where to start, where to end. What is right, what is wrong. Nothing. I knew nothing. And I was afraid of them knowing that.

They had been married for a while now. For five years. And they had been in a relationship for about four years before that. That is a lot of history right there. That's a lot of intimacy too. Seven years worth of it.

I have never been intimate with anyone, all right? Shut up and stop laughing at me. I hadn't been, okay? I wasn't some kind of sex-lunatic, despite what you were thinking. I was twenty-two years old and I haven't even been kissed before Heero either. They were more experienced than I was. I didn't want to go that far yet.

Whatever had possessed them to declare their love to me, I have no idea. If they had really felt that way, I just wish they'd done it five years ago. Would have saved me a lot of trouble too. They were married, for god's sake! Why the hell did they want me now?

I had made my life elsewhere. I wasn't exactly happy, but I had been content. Now they come back into my life, and my life is a mess again. I was back where I started. Except now, I had them. Which only made things even more confusing. What would people say about a married couple having a relationship with someone else?

My biggest question was why. Why did they bring me back? Why did they want me back? Why did they deviate from their normal happy routine? Why were they looking for trouble? I would only cause them problems. Unless they decided to keep me a secret.

Then…I fell asleep, my thoughts leaving me as I slipped into oblivion.

**(……)**

Something was tickling my nose. I wrinkled it and tried to shift away from it, but it merely followed its way down my cheek. Squirming, I blinked my eyes open slowly and saw Heero crouched down beside the swing, smiling gently at me. His finger was tracing down my cheek, causing the tickling sensation. Once he knew that I was awake, he cupped my cheek gently in his warm hand, stroking his thumb along my skin.

"Hey." I murmured. "Time for dinner?" I asked, as I struggled to sit up. I felt odd that he had been studying me while I was asleep.

"Aa." He said, taking a seat in front of me. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with the heels of my hands, a bad habit that had carried over from my childhood. When I opened my eyes again, he was grinning at me, amused.

"What?" I asked, blinking at him. Did I have something on my face?

He shook his head, grabbing my arm and pulling me into his arms. "You are adorable when you wake up."

I blinked at him again and frowned. "You did _not_ just call me adorable."

"Oh yes I did." He laughed, pressing a kiss to my lips. "Adorable."

"I am _not_ adorable, Yuy." I glared at him, faintly noticing his hands unraveling my hair. He sifted his hands through it, holding some up against the evening sunset and staring in awe. I looked at him and then back at the strands he was holding.

"What are you looking at?" I asked him.

"Like fire and molten lava, melded together like silk…" He murmured softly. I chuckled at his fascination.

"I never knew you were a poet." I teased him. He dropped his hands and wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.

"I have many talents…" He murmured. I wrapped my arms around his neck, just because I didn't know what else to do with them.

"You have a hair fetish…" I said almost accusingly. He snickered, pressing his lips to my collarbone.

"Damn straight." He replied, nuzzling my hair. Laughing, I squirmed to get out of his arms and stood up.

"We're going to be late for dinner." I said as I started back towards my room.

"So?"

"I don't want your husband to be mad the first day back." I said to him as I replaced the blanket on the bed.

"He'd just be jealous that he didn't have you to himself." Heero responded, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. He started nuzzling my neck and I had to fight the urge to just stay where I was.

"Heero…We're going to be late. I don't want to miss dinner." I gently untangled his arms from around me and stepped away, turning to face him. He sighed dramatically and let me lead him to the door.

"Another time then." He said theatrically. I chuckled and pushed him out the door, towards the stairs and towards dinner. I was starving

**(……)**

That's it for now. More later…depending on Reviews of course! (grin)

**xx Review Responses xx:**

**Redroseprincess678, diabloangel, Yaruna-chan, Windy River, Camillian, padfoot, Drupadi: **I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!

**HeeroDuo4eva: **I know I haven't updated my other stories. --' I will once I am done with this story. I promise. Thanks for reviewing. You're one of the best! (Hug)

**Oh Slashy one:** Please don't die of cuteness! I need you well and alive for more of it! Thanks for reviewing!

**Zmajgoddess, Rashalla Entalio:** I'm glad you liked it!

**Lil-Jenny: **What's with my name? I don't know. It just is, I guess. Strange question.

**Animegirl171: **lol! I'm glad you like it! 1x2x5 is one of my favorite pairings too. I couldn't update after new years, so I guess you didn't miss anything! Thanks for reviewing!

**Memeal:** I know! Never thought I'd get to the cuteness part, with all the angst in there. But I'm glad I got to it!

**Satanic-purple-onion:** I love your name! I know I need to update my other stories. I haven't yet decided what pairing though. I will soon. Thanks for reviewing!

**Bunch-o-nuts:** That was not the end so I hope you are glad to be reading more! Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't write lemons. Maybe after a few chapters, (once Duo gets over his angstiness) I'll have the 'wake-up' scene, but I'm not sure as of right now. Thanks for reviewing!

**Priscel: **I did compose a tune to it, but I'm afraid it isn't very good. The song is just kind of slow and mellow. It seemed to fit the chapter. Thanks for the review!

**Esty:** Then I am pleased to tell you that it was not the end!

**Neko-sama, Alea:** Wow! (blush) thanks for the compliments, but I don't think I'm that great of a writer. But I'm glad you think so! Do keep reading and reviewing!

Wow. 107 people on my author alert list. Lol! Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy reading. (or atleast I hope you do!) Really do appreciate those who take the time to review! (hug)

No, this is not the end of the story. Heh. Fun to write. But now I must go and do stuff, since I have school tomorrow. Nice four day weekend, all gone. Stupid SAT vocab. (grumble)

REVIEW! Please?


	15. First morning

After dinner, Heero and Wufei decided to retire to the recreation room. I politely declined, telling them I was still tired. Actually it was because I wanted to give them some time alone. The children too were exhausted and had gone up to bed again. So this was their chance to catch up on their quality time together. And of course they didn't have to know that, now did they?

I took a quick shower and got myself ready for bed. I looked outside and was a little sad to see that it was raining. I would have liked to sleep outside but I guess it would have been too cold even if it wasn't raining. Yawning, I climbed under the covers and snuggled under them. I would be asleep in seconds.

…

Never mind.

I could not sleep. I tossed and I turned and thought of a million things and if you asked me what I thought about, I wouldn't know. I just could not sleep. My body was exhausted and so was my mind and yet…I had gotten so used to sleeping with Heero and Wufei that I couldn't NOT sleep with them.

We hadn't yet talked about what I was going to do on earth. I needed a job; I needed to get the orphanage back up and running. And most of all, I needed to know what Heero and Wufei were going to do about me. Were they going to hide me? Or not? Or…I don't know, pretend that I don't exist? Okay, I know that's not possible. If these last few weeks have shown me nothing else, they've shown me that. I know that they…cared for me. But it was just awkward that I was living with a married couple. And in their relationship no less!

I buried my face in my pillow and let loose a scream. This was so frustrating to think about. Turning around, I lay on my back and looked at the interesting patterns that the ceiling made. Hm, I should turn the lights off. That line…makes it look like a dragon eating a bowl of…something. Cereal? Probably. What about that one...?

I fell asleep thinking about ceiling patterns.

**(……)**

Hmm, warm. Nice and warm and comfy. I snuggled closer to the warmth surrounding me, my arms wrapped around someone. Ahh, what a nice way to wake up. So comfortable…

…Wait. Didn't I go to bed alone last night? My eyes flew open as my arms tried to withdraw automatically, my mind screaming at me to do something! I merely blinked. Above me, I found a pair of smiling cobalt eyes looking down at me. Hm, nice sight to wake up to.

"Morning." I mumbled, smiling sleepily at Heero. He was lying on his side, propped up on one elbow with his head resting on his hand. He reached up his left hand and brushed some of my bangs aside, leaning down to give me a feather light kiss.

"Morning." He replied, his hand sliding down to rest on the side of my neck, stroking slightly. "Sleep well?"

"Mmhmm." I stretched languidly and relaxed, my arms above my head. I looked to my right and found Wufei's sleeping face on the pillow beside mine. He looked like a child when he was sleeping, his hair fanned out on the pillow and a slight smile curving at his lips. One black strand of hair had caught on his lower lips and my hand moved to brush it away.

Wufei's eyes fluttered once. Twice. Thrice, before they finally blinked open. I saw his eyes widened a fraction of an inch before he recognized me and smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Hm, what time is it?" He asked yawning. He did a full body stretch, arching his body off the bed. I couldn't help but admire that lithe body. He was so beautiful.

"6:45." Heero replied, reaching over to kiss Wufei gently on his temple. Wufei murmured something incomprehensible and turned on his side, snuggling back into the covers.

"Too damn early to wake up…" He muttered, as he pressed closer to my side. Heero chuckled softly and moved to brush back a few strands of glossy black hair. I still marveled at Heero's ability to be so open with his affections. Wufei murmured softly and a smile tugged at his lips, as he squirmed under the light touch. Heero continued exploring with light fingertips, tracing one high cheekbone and down to the corner of the lips. He pulled his hand away as Wufei tried to bite him but went back to tracing his features. I couldn't help but chuckle at them.

Frowning, Wufei sat up and glared at Heero. "You are not going to let me sleep, are you?" He asked crossing, his hair sticking whichever way. To my and Wufei's surprise, Heero reached over and hauled him bodily to the other side so that he was lying on top of Heero.

"No."

Wufei simply huffed and settled back down, his arms wrapping around Heero's waist. I simply watched them do all this, too lazy to move. Strangely enough, I was starting to feel like less of an outsider. I suppose that's good.

Heero was now on his back beside me. He pulled me under his right arm so I lay snuggled up to him.

"So how did I get here?" I asked them. I had known immediately that I was not in my room, when I woke up. The ceiling patterns were different.

"It felt weird to sleep without you." Heero informed me, nuzzling my hair. I loved it when he did that. "I carried you back here. I hope you don't mind." He said, his voice a little…hesitant. I think he expected me to be angry with him, but how could I be angry with him for something that I had wanted all along?

"No, I don't mind. Just thought that I might be intruding."

"No, you could never intrude." Wufei replied this time, one hand reaching out to toy with my short braid.

"Hmm." I mumbled sleepily. It was too early to be awake. "Wanted to give you some time alone." I yawned, pillowing my head against Heero's shoulder. Hm, comfy. Heero was great at playing furniture.

There was a strange moment of silence and I saw Heero and Wufei looking at each other. Wufei turned back to me and reached out to take my hand. Was something wrong?

"We need to talk."

Those words stopped me stone cold. Was this it? They were going to tell me to get out of their relationship, weren't they? I knew I had asked for too much from them. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have refused them when they told me that they loved me. They were fed up with me. I should have-

"Duo?" I blinked back at Heero, feeling his hand on my cheek.

"It's over, isn't it?" I heard someone asked in a chocked voice. I blinked again at Heero who looked completely…shocked.

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Because…you…" Suddenly, what I had been about to say, sounded pretty stupid to me. I finally gave up trying to form coherent sentences and just stared at him.

"No, Duo. It's not over. It never will be, not if we can help it." Wufei replied to me, bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it gently.

"Then what did you have to talk to me about?" I asked confused.

Wufei sighed and slipped off Heero, to move back to my right side, propping himself up with one elbow, and caressing my face with the other. "First, get the notion that we are going to leave you, out of you head. It's not going to happen. Ever."

I'm afraid I just gaped at him for a full five seconds. Five seconds can be a damn long time. When I finally managed to nod, He brushed his lips across my forehead and smiled down at me.

"Duo, you can't keep trying to give us time alone. Yes, there will be times where I would want to spend time with just Heero or just you, but don't concern yourself over how you are going to split the time wisely. You can't do it. Just let things happen as they will. Everything will be fine."

I nodded.

"Second, you seem to think that you are intruding in our lives. You're not. We _want_ you here. With us. So stop trying to back away and give us space. We have enough of that."

I nodded again.

"Third of all, what do you plan to do here on earth? What do you want to do?

"Oh." So they _were_ going to let me talk. Okay. 'Well…I need to set up the orphanage somewhere close by first. And after that, I need to find a job."

"But do you have any idea as to what _you_ want to do for _yourself?_" Heero asked me. I shook my head.

"I worked as a mechanic before but I don't know what I can do here."

"You…" Heero ventured hesitantly. "You could join the Preventors." Heero suggested softly, his hand brushing over my hair. I thought about that. The Preventors, huh.

"You mean…a field agent." I asked slowly. Truth was, I wasn't crazy about that idea. I didn't want to fight anymore. The war was more that enough for me.

"Yeah, I know that Lady Une would love to have you. She's been after as many Gundam pilots as she can get."

We were quiet then each of us thinking. I didn't want to be a field agent really. But…it would give me enough money to run the orphanage without a worry. I didn't want to place any more burden on them. It was bad enough that they had to deal with 12 children right now. I'm sure they would be glad to get them out of the house.

"Um…I guess so. Yeah, I'll join." I mumbled. Wufei smiled at me brilliantly and kissed me gently.

"I'm glad." He whispered before giving me another kiss. I smiled at him, hoping that it wasn't too fake and laid back down against Heero. I felt a soft pressure against my forehead and looked up to see Heero smiling.

"I'm glad too." He said, brushing back the bangs on my forehead. I don't know why but it seemed like I just made them incredibly happy.

"I need to go talk to Une." Wufei stated as he started to get up, but Heero pulled him back onto him, keeping his arms firmly wrapped around Wufei.

"Later. It's Sunday. We can talk to her about it in the afternoon."

Wufei had relaxed back onto Heero, but now he propped himself up with his chin on top of his hands. "This afternoon?"

"Yeah, Quatre asked us to come over for lunch. It's supposed to be a business picnic. Une will be there too."

"We should get up then." I suggested, as I rolled out of bed. I stretched languidly and looked back at Heero and Wufei on the bed. "Well?"

"Yes, yes. We're getting up." Wufei sat up and climbed over Heero to get off the bed. Dropping a kiss on my temple, he vanished into the bathroom. I looked back at Heero and found him smiling at me, his eyes dancing with mirth.

"What?" I had to ask. He simply shook his head and climber out of bed, coming to take me in his arms. I let him, my own arms trapped between us, my palms on his shoulders.

"You look damn beautiful when you wake up." He murmured, his hands stroking my back. I blushed and couldn't help wondering when he had become this tactile. During the war and ever for a while after, it was hard to see Heero come in contact with anyone, except maybe Wufei. And now, it seemed as if I was the one who was hesitant. But I guess his need to touch proves that he is more human than we all thought he was.

"Hmm, I should go shower." I said after a few minutes of silence. He sighed and released me reluctantly, promising to meet me for breakfast in a few minutes.

And that's how the day started.

**(……)**


	16. getting reacquainted

We drove over to Quatre's house near noon. The mansion was still as huge, still as imposing as it had been five years ago. A servant opened the door and addressed Heero and Wufei with familiarity, telling them that the others were in the gardens at the back. I followed my…boyfriends? to the back and out in the sun.

"Heero! Wufei! Duo!" Quatre moved away from the barbeque grill and walked over to us, embracing Wufei first and then Heero. I was once again surprised by how easily Heero accepted the embrace. He really had changed.

Quatre embraced me too, squeezing me tight before pulling back. He smiled brilliantly at me and I couldn't help smiling back. He smile was infectious.

"I'm glad you could make it. Hope it wasn't any trouble."

"No, its no trouble at all." I replied, watching a smile light his face again.

"Come on." He led us to the sprawling backyard and I mean sprawling. There were many…many people. It was big. It was crowded. It was damn intimidating. And it didn't help that I knew none of them. Well…if you wanted to look at it the other way, you could say that I knew Sally, Noin, Une and Zechs. But its more of…I know more _of _them than I know _about_ them. They were even more of a stranger to me than Heero and Wufei were. Or even Quatre or Trowa. But its still strange to be around people whom you haven't seen in over five years.

Quatre and Heero were walking in front of me, Wufei slightly behind me and to my left. I could feel his hand resting lightly on the small of my back. I'm still a little ashamed to admit how much I wanted that touch. It comforted me, encouraged me,. It made me not run away screaming. Shut up already.

We made our way towards the…larger crowd of people. I spotted Noin and Sally off to the side talking but when they spotted Heero and Quatre coming they turned towards them.

"Well?" I heard sally ask. I couldn't see her. Heero was in front of me. "You said you had a surprise. Where is it?" And that's when the gears engaged in my mind. Oh damn. This was not happening. No, not happening. Shit, yes it was.

Heero and Quatre simultaneously parted, I knew they were smirking, and let Sally and Noin see me. I involuntarily took a step back, but unfortunately, Wufei was right there. My back hit his shoulder and suddenly his arm was all the way around my waist.

"Duo!" Sally exclaimed, taking a step towards me. I grinned back at her, somewhat weakly and shot a glance over her shoulder at Heero. Asshole just smirked at me.

"Hey, Sally." I greeted her, once I turned my attention away from Heero.

"Oh wow. Duo…where the hell have you been all these years, Its been ages!"

"Yes, Duo," Noin said warmly. "Its been far too long."

I like Sally and Noin. They weren't gigglers. They weren't the women who tended to fawn over you and such. They were straightforward and blunt and you better listen to them when they have something to say.

And so I got dragged around, getting reacquainted with some and getting introduced to others. I had always known the entire group of Maganacs by name and they welcomed me back joyously. It was great. It was wonderful. It was damn painful. For the past five years, I had not known about their lives. They were people that I used to work with all the time at the garage, the kitchen, just about anywhere. And…it was wonderful, but still very…awkward.

After a while, when I was talking to Abdul, Heero appeared by my side. He inclined his head and flicked his eyes and I assumed that he wanted to talk to me. I said goodbye to Abdul and walked away with Heero.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked once we had walked away from the others.

"Nothing. Just…are you ready to go talk to Une." He asked me. I looked over his shoulder to see the crowd of people slowly starting to dissipate. Might as well get it over with.

"All right." I replied. He nodded, giving me a small smile before turning back and walking to the crowd. I followed a step behind him.

"Lady Une?" He called her attention away from Sally.

"Hello, Heero, Duo." I nodded back to her, forcing a small grin out. She had always been one scary woman.

"Duo?" Heero called to me, throwing the conversation ball in my court. I swallowed quietly and opened my mouth to speak.

"Ma'am, I was wondering if there is still a job available at the Preventors?"

Her eyes widened and she looked at me in surprise. I guess she wasn't expecting me to join. Can't blame her. After all, before I had left for L2, I had not wanted to join and Une had given up perusing me after the first two years.

"This is a …surprise, I must say. Why the…sudden change of mind?" She asked me. I gave a small shrug, focusing my eyes on the champagne glass that she twirled. The red liquid swirling gave me a sudden flashback and transformed itself into blood. Horrifying amounts of blood, along with church and the images of war, the countless that I had killed.

"…ok." I was brought back to the present when Heero touched my back gently. I vaguely remember nodding to all the things that Une said and promised that I would meet her the first thing in the morning. That would give me two days to wrap up the orphanage ties to L2 and find a new place and start the adoption process. That reminded me of Sammy and Kira. They weren't going to be my little kids anymore.

Why was all of this happening so fast? Four weeks ago, I was in L2 taking care of my kids and content living there. Now, I found my life getting complicated, having to make decisions that I never had to before. It made me go back to whether all of this was really a good idea or not.

We got back to the house a little later than five in the afternoon. Tricia and the kids were outside in the huge gardens. Emily and Kristina were chasing Adam around in circles while the other kids were playing their own games off to the side. I found myself unconsciously hunting for Kira and Sam. I need to stop that habit. Really.

In any case I found Sammy making his wobbly way towards me and saw Kira with Tricia. My 9-month old baby was trying to walk! With Tricia's help of course. But that didn't stop the huge goofy grin forming on my face.

"Hey." I turned to find Wufei beside me, with an amused smile on his lips. "What are you smiling at?" He asked, snaking one arm around my waist.

"Look." I pointed towards Kira and Tricia as I leaned into him, still unable to banish that silly little smile. It was simply too cute.

"She's walking." I heard myself whisper In wonderment, my eyes glued to the child. I saw her go onto his hands and knees once and I think I made some sort of a distressed noise. But she got right back up and attempted again.

A squeeze around my waist made me turn to Wufei, who was damn near grinning his head off. "What?" I asked frowning, my voice sounding like a petulant child even to me.

_That_ got me a full fledged laugh and then got me kissed soundly. "You look like this…this happy _parent_ who is seeing their child walk for the first time." He murmured to me, bumping his nose against mine before kissing me again. I felt the blood rushing to my face and ducked my head, burying it against his shoulder. I got that wonderful full throated laugh again and a spontaneous hug at that.

"Duo?" The voice of Sammy brought me back to where we were and I saw him standing in front of us, looking up with his adorable eyes.

"Hey, kiddo." I greeted him, picking him up when he raised his arms in a classic 'up' gesture.

"Where didja go?"

"I went to see some of old friends, sweetie." I told him. Old friends. Were they even my friends anymore? Was I their's?

"Oh, okay." He replied. "Will you go there again tomorrow?" Sounding so forlorn that it nearly broke my heart.

"No, I'm gonna stay here with you guys. We'll have lots of fun, right?" I asked him, tickling his ribs with one hand. He squealed and squirmed and I laughed right along with him. He was so cute.

"Yes!" He said once I had put him down, before scampering off. I sighed unconsciously and watched the little kids race around.

Warm, strong arms wrapped around me again, drawing me back into the gentle embrace. "You okay?" Wufei asked, his breath tickling my cheek. I nodded quietly, my eyes still watching my…the kids. They weren't going to be solely mine any longer.

"Come on, let's go inside." He gently ushered me into the house and led me to the recreation room where I was told to stay put or else. Knowing better than to refuse, I wisely stayed where I was and waited, thinking about what I had to do.

I still needed to get the adoption papers. Tricia could probably do it…but somehow I wanted a small part in it. If Sammy couldn't stay with me, at least let me be the one who is giving him away.

…

Oh god, I'm making it sound like he's some sort of…charity.

"Duo?" I turned my head to find Heero standing at the doorway. He took a few hesitant steps towards me but stopped a few feet away. "Are you all right?"

I frowned at him. Of course I was all right. Why-

…oh.

I suppose standing in the middle of a room with my hands clenched might have something to do with it. I loosed my hands and consciously relaxed my tense shoulder.

"I'm okay." I replied, trying out a smile that I hoped wasn't too fake. Heero seemed encouraged by it though and stepped closer to me, reaching to wrap one arms around my waist to pull me closer. His hand stoked my cheek tenderly and my smile became real as I closed my eyes to his touch.

After giving me a gentle kiss, he led me over to the couch and sat down, resting his back against the armrest and stretching his legs out, while I sat with my back against the pressed to his chest.

"So, did you enjoy this afternoon?" He asked, pressing his cheek against mine. I hummed an affirmative, fingers tracing idle patterns on his jean clad leg.

Again I found myself with questions. What will happen when I show up at the Preventors? Will they know about me and Heero and Wufei? What will people make of an ex-gundam pilot as a new comer? Will I have to do those training tests? Who would be my partner?

"Love?" The voice and the concerned endearment brought me back to the present and I turned to look at Heero. His beautiful blue eyes looked at me with concern and love.

"You seem awfully quiet." He ventured softly, his arms tightening around my waist. I grinned at him and said flippantly.

"Never thought I'd see the day when you actually wanted to hear my voice."

I had only meant to tease but then I saw his face awash with guilt and pain his eyes. I wanted to remove that god-awful look from his face; I wanted to take back that remark. What the hell had I been thinking?

Turning a little more, I place one hand against his chest to show him that I wasn't angry. "Heero, I didn't mean-"

"No, its not that." He shook his head, his bangs covering his precious eyes. "I know that you don't think that I…I mean…well, it's…" He was fumbling with his words which was very unlike him and that made me cautious. "God, Duo, I missed you!" He burst out, his voice sounding very much like a plea. "Those five years…when you left, I thought…I thought I would lose my mind." I was in a state of shock, hearing him say these things to me. I felt…damn guilty.

"Heero, I never-"

But he cut me off again, cupping my face in his hands. "I have loved you since forever. I lost my heart to you the damn day we met. And…I am…so very _sorry_ that I didn't say anything for the past nine years. So very sorry, love." He kissed me softly, just the barest hint of a caress. "You and Wufei mean the world to me. I missed you, your voice, your everything for the past five years. If only I had known that you felt something for me back then, I swear, I would have told you."

"Heero, its okay." I soothed, brushing back his bangs so that I could look at his eyes. 'Really. What's done is done. Leave it be." I smiled for him, my hand drifting down to his cheek. "Besides, everything turned out fine in the end, didn't it?"

He didn't look convinced, but Wufei came in then with a bowl of popcorn and a movie. He stopped when he found us on the couch. A smile blossomed on his face and he heaved a little theatric sigh.

"Couldn't wait for me, could you?" He popped the movie into the DVD player before coming to settle to the couch to settle between my legs, pulling one of my arm around his waist and entwining our fingers together.

"You're too damn slow." Heero drawled back to him. Wufei huffed and playfully slapped Heero's thigh before turning his attention to the movie.

Unfortunately, Wednesday came by too soon.

**(……)**

Next: Duo meet's Une, dubbed the scary lady. Mwahahaha! XD


	17. Confrontations

Wow. It's been a long time. XD

**NOTE : I will not have any access to my computer from next friday to the first week of august. That means no updating. So I will do my very best to try and update through my beta if possible. Sorry for those who have been waiting. Bear with me a little longer. (hands out 1x2x5 plushies and pocky)**

"Will you relax?" Heero chided me as my fingers strayed to the collar of my crisp white shirt. I couldn't help it. The pressed white shirt made me feel really weird. So did the black slacks. God, I was so damn _uncomfortable._ I don't dress like this unless I really have no choice. I much preferred wearing T-shirts and jeans. Not to mention that I will have to wear a uniform if I become an agent.

I let go of the collar and let Heero adjust it again. He looked at me reproachfully and I just gave him a sheepish smile, one hand coming up to rub the back of my neck. He tapped my nose with his finger tartly before dropping his hands to my waist to pull me in for a deep kiss.

"You look just fine, love." He assured me, nuzzling my neck. I couldn't repress the small shiver that worked its way up my spine. I loved it when he did that. My arms had automatically come up to encircle his broad shoulders and I just _melted_ against him.

It still felt so surreal to know that I could do this. That I could hug him, kiss him, hold his hand whenever I wanted. So weird but so very good.

"You are going to be great. I know it." He whispered fiercely against my hair. His arms squeezed me tight before letting go and pulling back. I dropped my arms and stepped back.

"If she doesn't eat me." I muttered and had to consciously stop my hand from going to my collar.

Tapping his finger under my chin, he made me look at him directly. I was kind of surprised at how close his face was to mine. Our noses were almost touching. "You'll be fine. Be confident." He closed that extra gap to kiss me again and I nodded, pulling away. Be confident? Yeah right. I would be if I really wanted to do this. Okay. Not going to think about this now. Really don't need to be pondering right before my interview.

We walked out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen, where Wufei was making us breakfast. I could not describe how utterly…_domestic_ he looked, moving around the kitchen like a master chef. He smiled at us when we came down and gave me a once over, before nodding approvingly. Setting three places at the table, he came around to me. His hands cupped my face and his eyes searched mine. I dropped my eyes from his intense gaze, flustered. Did I mention that I am not _completely comfortable _yet?

"You are going to be wonderful. And you look stunning. So stop fretting, all right?" He told me rather firmly, before kissing the hell out of me. Deer. Headlights. Need I say more? How did he manage to read my mind every single time?

"Hey!" Heero called, mock-indignantly. "Don't I get my morning kiss?" I could see his lips twitch in a hidden smile.

Wufei simply raised his eyebrow before waving it off, sauntering past him. "You get enough as it is." He said airily, right before Heero grabbed him by the waist and dragged him over for his kiss. I watched them share a damn hot kiss and felt my doubts rise up again. I turned away, feeling like a voyeur, flustered. What the hell was I doing here?

"Hmm, we're going to be late." Wufei murmured, pulling back. I bit my lip and carefully avoided their eyes as we sat through breakfast. I hardly tasted the bacon and eggs, though I'm sure they were delicious, but I had way too many things on my mind right then.

Finding a place for the orphanage had been hard. There was nothing within my budget that was big enough for them and the places that could sustain twelve kids were expensive. I had ended up not really finding a place and was hoping that Heero and Wufei wouldn't mind putting up with the kids a while longer. On top of that, I had the adoption papers drawn up for Sasha, Kristina, Adam, Emily and Sam. Trowa and Quatre were going to come over this evening to sign the papers and take Sasha and Sam with them. Heero and Wufei were going to sign the papers tonight too.

I had decided when I came here that I would enroll the children into public schools. They deserved the education. They needed it. They would be able to follow their dreams. Their aspirations. Would no longer be victims of the war.

Despite the fact that the war had been over for the past eight years, the colonies still suffered from the extent of damage caused. L2, already being the poorest colony, became worse than a slum. My children were still suffering from it, even if it was indirectly. And I would not have them go through what I had been through. I just would NOT.

Something poked at my bicep and I looked at Heero questioningly.

"Are you going to finish eating?"

I blinked at looked at my plate, which was only half empty. Oops, got a little carried away. I shoveled the rest of the food into my mouth and took my plate to the sink, rinsing it and almost running out of the kitchen.

Geez, what was wrong with me? I was getting upset at the slightest things. I was now on earth, going to an interview for a job that I will quite possibly get, I could enroll the children in school, have them get an education and make something of themselves. They wouldn't have to go through what I did. So…

Why did I feel that something was wrong?

I found myself near the front door and made it seem like I was just grabbing my jacket out of the closet when they came. If they understood it, they didn't say anything. We rode to the Preventors Headquarters in silence.

**(……)**

"Well, Mr. Maxwell. You record is outstanding I must say." Une said to me, pushing her glasses up her nose as she gave me back my file. "But you have been out of the field for over eight years. However confident I may be of your skills, rules say that I can't qualify an agent who has been off the field for more than a year without training. You will have to undergo training to become a field agent. Is that acceptable?"

I nodded. I had doubted that they would let me in without training and I had been right. Hopefully, it shouldn't be that bad. After all, Heero and Wufei got through it.

"Your training will begin at 0700 hours tomorrow. Report to the training field in the east wing."

"Thank you, Ma'am." I got up, dismissed.

Her face softened and she reached forward to touch my wrist gently. "It's good to have you back, Duo."

I flushed and ducked my head, hiding behind my bangs. "It's good to be back, Ma'am."

**(……)**

I stopped by Heero and Wufei's office, wondering what it looked like. I had never been there before but it was pretty much what I had expected. Two desks on opposite sides of the room, along side each other. Two file cabinets, a few shelves with files and books and a potted plant. That must have been Wufei's doing. I knew how much he enjoyed nature.

Both of them looked up as I knocked on their door, and smiled at me, encouraging me to come in. Shutting the door softly behind me, I walked in and took a seat on one of the chairs.

"So?" Wufei prompted me.

"It went well. I start training tomorrow." I replied. Wufei frowned but Heero nodded understandingly.

"Training's easy. You'll be done with it in no time." Heero informed me. I shrugged, not too keen about this whole thing. But I needed the money and I had grabbed the first opportunity that came by.

I noticed a picture of Heero and Wufei hanging on the walls. It was one that had been taken during their wedding. Right below it, there was another one with Wufei and me when we were dancing. That was when he had asked me if I was happy and I had replied yes. Technically.

They were married. _Married._ We had enough obstacles to overcome and that word would only bring more. I shouldn't have agreed to this. This was not right. I couldn't come in between a married couple. This was wrong, dammit! I shouldn't even be here in the first place. Who would they explain this to others? I would be dragging down their reputation along with mine. If this had to happen, then it should have happened years ago, before they got married, before I left.

"Listen, guys…I've been thinking..." I started when Wufei laughed.

"Since when has that been a good thing?" He teased me. I returned his grin weakly and looked down at my fiddling hands.

"Very funny. No, seriously…I don't think this is going to work.'

"This?" Both of them echoed.

I sighed, frustrated. "This…arrangement?" I waved my hand vaguely in the air. "I don't know. This relationship…between…us. It's not going to work."

"What do you mean?" Heero asked me, his eyes narrowing. I swallowed and looked away, trying to gather the courage to speak again.

"I can't…we can't do this. It would ruin everything. How will you explain to people that you are having an affair with someone else? Both of you? Think of your reputations…what will people think of you?"

"Duo, we can't live our lives by what people will think of us." Wufei soothed me, both of them coming around to crouch beside me. "We love you. We don't need anymore reason to be with you."

They make it sound so logical. But you can't live your life without thinking about the consequences either. "But how long will it take for their gossip to make you leave me? To see that I'm not worth your time?"

"Damn it, Duo. I told you before. Nothing is going to make us leave you."

"But I can't give you what you need!" I cried out, standing up and turning away. Shocked silence met my outburst. That's okay. I was pretty surprised myself.

"What do you think that is?" Wufei asked me in an eerily calm voice.

"Love…"I heard myself whisper. There. I said it.

"That is complete bullshit!" Wufei grabbed me by the arm and whirled me around. I found him standing so close to me that I hardly dared to breathe.

"You love us. I can see it in your eyes, I can feel it in your every touch…"

"I can't give you that either." I had never touched them first, dead afraid that they would find me revolting. Stop laughing. Just wait until you're in love. You won't find my fears so unfounded then.

"We can never find you revolting." Wufei whispered softly to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it tenderly, before placing it close to his cheek. "Touch me, Duo."

I stared hard at my hand and then at him. "I-I can't."

"Yes, you can." He encouraged me softly. I wondered where Heero was, just before I felt another pair of arms wrap strongly around my waist.

"Go ahead, love. It's okay." Heero crooned softly in my ear. My trembling fingers got closer and closer until they rested gently on Wufei's skin.

"Yes, just like that…" Wufei sighed, his eyes closing. I traced his cheek in awe, his eyes, his temple, before slipping my hands into his silky hair.

"That's it." Heero whispered to me. I suddenly crumbled onto the ground and they just went down with me. I ended up burled between them, surrounded by their soft words and their strong arms. I clutched at them frantically, clinging to them as much as I could and they returned my grip just as surely. Nonsense words, soft kisses, whispers all went over my head. I was shivering so hard that I couldn't get close enough to them.

I wasn't revolting. They didn't find me repulsive. I could touch them and not have them turn away in disgust. Not that they ever had, but fear and paranoia had combined into making nightmares very believable.

"Let's go home. We don't need to be here today." Heero suggested softly and I heard Wufei murmur an agreement. I managed to get myself together to walk out the building by myself and all the way home.

What was it that made me need them so badly? All those bold words, about it not working out and such, did nothing to diminish my need for them. Maybe, it was not about hurting them or their lives. Maybe it was about hurting myself.

**(……)**

**Review! **


	18. Epilogue Part I

So I stopped. Well, not that abruptly. But with their help, I stopped doubting that they would leave me, find me worthless etc. etc. I think it finally got ingrained into my thick head because I realized that if they didn't love me, they would have left me already. And I think that after five years of marriage, they were pretty used to the fact that relationships were not perfect. That people are not perfect. No, not even Heero. It was just me who had yet to learn that.

They even helped me find a big enough place for an orphanage. And it wasn't even too far down. A couple of miles from the house really and once I finally worked up the guts to tell them, they let me keep Kira. As for Sam…well, I figured that I could handle him being my adopted-nephew if not my son. Besides, he was happy with Trowa and Quatre. However, since we all worked, we needed someone to take care of Kira in the mornings and surprisingly Hilde moved down to earth to start a mechanics shop. Her days were mostly free since she had brought her whole crew with her. So she decided to help her "God" daughter since I had playfully dubbed her the godmother.

Today had been the last day of my training. And my two boyfriends (see I can even say that without stammering any more) had decided that I should celebrate. They had planned a weekend get away and had decided that they would drop the kids of at Quatre's house. The kids loved them already.

"Duo." I turned from where I was wrestling with my hair to see Wufei enter the room. "You aren't ready yet?" I turned back to the mirror and smiled at him when he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Almost. Help me with my hair?" I asked, knowing that he wouldn't refuse. Neither of them would give up the chance to touch my hair. Some sort of a weird fetish.

"Of course." He slowly braided it, running his fingers lovingly through my hair. I chuckled inwardly and turned towards him when he was done.

"Thanks, love." I kissed him and we walked towards the door hand in hand. Heero met us downstairs, Kristina, Adam and Emily running around his legs and Kira in his arms. After piling the children into the back of the mini van, we headed off to Quatre's house.

**(……)**

"Bye, kids. Be good and listen to your uncles." Kristina and Adam both gave me breakneck hugs and I hugged them back with equal enthusiasm. Then I went over to Kira who was currently with Quatre and kissed her forehead gently as to not wake her. "Bye, sweetie."

Quatre grinned at me and winked. "Enjoy" was all he said. I think he knew where Heero and Wufei were taking me, but of course, he didn't say anything. Only giving me a sly smile before turning towards the others. I walked towards the door shaking my head. I wonder if Trowa knew anything.

"Have fun." Yes, Trowa definitely knew something from the way he was smiling. Ah, the whole family was devious. I waited as Heero and Wufei finished saying goodbye to the kids, Heero nodding solemnly as Emily finished saying the exact description of the doll that she wanted.

For being so little, she had Heero all wrapped around her finger of course, it didn't help that he absolutely adored her. I watched them hug and then do their secret handshake that nobody was supposed to know.

"Bye, papa." I heard her tell him sweetly, before she dashed off to play. He watched her with amusement before starting up from his crouch. Turning around, he caught my eyes and I beckoned him with a smile.

"That's it, kids. " Wufei said as he dislodged the twins from his back from the piggyback rides. "We have to get going."

"Bye, Baba." Both of them chorused, hugging his legs tight. When they didn't let go, Wufei started to walk towards us, with them still attached to his legs.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to use the you-know-what." He mock whispered to us.

"Not the You-know-what!" They squealed before disengaging and running off. We all laughed at their little tendencies. And to this day, no one knows what the you-know-what is supposed to be. Just that, when you threatened them with it, they would scatter like dust.

We said our goodbyes to Quatre and Trowa before heading back to the car. It was big enough that it could easily fit three people in the front comfortably. Once we got on the road, I asked them.

"Where are we going?" But both of them merely smiled and didn't answer. We were quiet for a few minutes before I spoke again on a whim.

"Are we eloping?" Both of them looked at me surprised and then smiled.

"If you want to think of it like that." Wufei murmured softly. Heero hummed an affirmative before turning his attention back to the road, his right hand slipping down to entwine my fingers with his.

After a while, the gentle rocking of the car made me so drowsy that I found myself slumped against Wufei's shoulder. I started to push myself off of him when gentle hands stilled me.

"It's okay. Go to sleep." Wufei said to me and I let myself relax against him. I woke up a couple of times on the road, but not too long to register anything.

I only woke up when Wufei shook me awake. "Wake up, sleeping beauty. We're here." I grumbled at the name-calling but pulled myself upright and got out of the car. What I saw stopped me in my tracks.

We were near a beach. Not only that, we were on top of a cliff on the beach, along with a house behind us. It was just time for sunset, so the sky was a palette of oranges, reds and yellows with tinges of violet. I could see the waves gently brushing across the sand, caressing it smoothly.

"It's beautiful." I heard someone whisper in awe. It took me a second to realize that the voice was mine.

"It's a pale comparison to what I'm seeing." I turned towards Heero, frowning at his comment, wondering what else he was seeing, before I realized that he was gazing at me. Blushing, I turned back to the view in front of me, furiously telling the blood to not move towards my face. I heard a low chuckle before I was grabbed and kissed.

A click went off and both of us turned to see Wufei with a camera in his hands and a smirk on his face. I blushed a second time in five minutes and hid my face against Heero's shirt.

"Is this going to be a new hobby of yours, love?" Heero asked Wufei as he came closer.

"Hey, if you two are so willing to pose, who am I to refuse?" He grinned at us, looping one arm around Heero's waist and steering both of us, towards the house.

It was a rather cozy little house. A living room with a fireplace and two large glass windows with curtains, a kitchen with plenty of ventilation, one large master bedroom and a smaller guest room, a bathroom.

After dropping our stuff off in the in master bedroom, we went downstairs to get dinner ready. The fridge was stocked with ready-made dinners and since none of us were in the mood to make anything, we just heated up the dinners. Wufei playfully bumped me hip to hip while I was waiting for the microwave to stop. I stuck my tongue out at him and he blew me a raspberry before ducking out of the kitchen. I brought the remaining two dinners to the living room, where Heero had started the fire.

"Man, that drive was so long!" Wufei exclaimed, settling down on the carpet Indian style, reaching out to grab his plate from the coffee table.

"Hn." Heero grunted, his mouth too full of food to contribute actively to the conversation.

"It didn't seem that bad." I said, scooping out the French beans and pushing them to the corner of my plate. I really did not like French beans.

"That's because you were blissfully asleep! On me!" Wufei jabbed at me in the air with his fork. I speared one of the French beans and waved it at him.

"Don't make me use these." I warned him. But of course, he didn't listen. Instead, he leaned over and ate the beans of my fork and chewed thoughtfully.

"Hm, tasty." Aha! There was my chance.

I dumped all of the beans from my plate to his plate, grinning cheerfully at his dumb founded face. "There! You can have them!"

"I didn't say I liked them that much…" Wufei muttered, shoving the beans to a corner and going back to eating the rest of the meal.

"He did warn you." Heero said, amused. His own plate was free of the dreadful beans and I huffed at him playfully. Why did he have to get lucky?

"Baka. I already ate them." I stuck my tongue out at him and went back to my own plate, finishing it up.

Another ten minutes and all of us were finished. I offered to clean up and turned away the offers to help. Gathering up the plates, I went into the kitchen to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, deciding to turn it on later. Walking back to the living room, I saw Heero on the floor, leaning against the couch, with Wufei resting against his chest. Both of them looked up as I came into the room, and Wufei held out his hand, beckoning me to come and sit between his outstretched legs.

I walked over to them and stretched out, my back against Wufei's chest, his arms a comfortable weight around my waist. Silence ensued, but not the uncomfortable kind. Thinking was not usually a vocal process for any of us. Watching the fire glow, I was suddenly inspired to know more about my boyfriends.

"What's your favorite season?"

A couple of heartbeats went by before I got a reply. "Summer, I think." Heero replied. I didn't have to look to see the thoughtful furrow between his eyebrows to know that he was thinking about this harder than it should be. "I like the sunny days. They feel so…cheerful."

"Hmm. I prefer winter. I love the sunny days too, but when they come along with snow, they're beautiful." Wufei replied. "You?" He asked, arms tightening.

"Fall, I think. I love all the different colors the leaves turn and fall. Ending one cycle and beginning another."

Both of them 'Ah'-ed and I knew that they caught what I really meant. Another moment of silence, before…

"Favorite color?"

"White. Despair. Purity. Peace." That was Wufei of course.

"Blue. Fresh. Clear. Life."

"Red." I said, and added after a pause. "Blood. Heart. Love."

There was a rustle behind me and then I was being turned around to face Wufei, his black eyes glittering with emotion.

He kissed my forehead reverently, my eyelids, my cheeks and finally my lips, taking them gently and tenderly. I moaned involuntarily and one of my hands came up to fist in his shirt. I could feel Heero running his hands over my back and hair, which only made me give in more. Something was different now than all the other times that we had kissed.

It was shocking to me to realize that I wanted them now. I wanted to be intimate with them. It might sound strange but it felt as if I was finally breaking the barrier that was between them and me. The years of pent up longing finally caught up with me and crashed like a tidal wave.

But I needed to voice it out loud. To give them the assurance and to finally over come that barrier for myself. Pulling away from that drugging kiss, I panted out.

"I want you."

Hands stilled and caresses stopped. Just one quiet whispered question, full of longing and anticipation and yet tinged with concern.

"Are you sure?"

Was I? Yes, I was. I knew that if this didn't happen now, then it would maybe never happen. And as much as I was afraid, my longing for them was stronger.

"Yes."

I got one more mind-numbing kiss, before being pulled to my feet.

"Then we do this right."

And then I fell into heaven.

**(……)**

Wow! It's been a long time since I've posted! My apologies! I have been swamped with school and SAT's and recitals and BLAHH! But things have calmed down a bit and I thought that I should start writing again.

And those of you expecting a lemon, sorry. But I don't write those. :) but I'm sure your imaginations will do the trick.

Part two of the epilogue will follow. Nothing big, but enough to give it a good conclusion.

Review and let me know what you think!


	19. Epilogue Part II END

The next morning, I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, without waking them. They were both light sleepers, habits that stemmed from the war. Silently, I grabbed a robe and tiptoed my way out of the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind me.

It was still early, I think about five in the morning. The house was quiet, with the early rays of the sun seeping through the half closed blinds. Walking silently across the corridor, I opened the door to the balcony and stepped out into the cool, fresh air.

Last night had been everything and nothing like I had imagined. It was amazing and wonderful and ineffable. They were gentle, loving and immeasurably careful to keep me comfortable. I think I wound up in tears afterwards, just from the incredible amount of pleasure that they brought me.

It's not just physical, dammit. It's…it's about comfort, care and love. Until last night, I had been so apprehensive about the intimacy but…making love and loving them is the same thing. What I feel for them is constant, forever.

Watching the slow sunrise, I thought about the events that had taken place over the course of my life. I thought about the life on the streets I thought about solo and the plague. I thought about the church. I thought about pilot training, Deathscythe, the war, Trowa, Quatre, Heero, Wufei…

I thought about the night Heero self-destructed.

I thought about the grief that Wufei and I shared that night.

I thought about despair, loneliness, pain, blood, and sacrifices…

…then I thought about love.

How ironic is it that I ended up in the very same place that I was running from? In between two of the most wonderful people who love each other? Who I love, and who love me?

I must have thought of a thousand different scenarios involving the three of us. But somehow, this one never came up.

I think…that they might be right. Perhaps I do deserve this. Maybe I was meant to love them, and them, me. Because after last night, I don't think I can live without them.

Warm, warm arms slipped around me and I froze, startled.

"It's just me." Heero's husky voice sounded beside my ear and my body automatically relaxed against his. He kissed my temple softly, his breath ghosting across my skin.

"Hey." I murmured back as he grabbed my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah. More than alright." I turned in his arms and smiled at him, brushing the tousled, unruly bangs from his face. Rising up to my tiptoes, I kissed him softly, my hand stroking his cheek. "What are you doing up so early?"

"You scared Fei." I pulled back, shocked. "He thought you might have left." Heero explained, his eyes searching mine.

"No. I would never leave. Especially not after last night…" I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye and found Wufei standing by the doorway. "Wufei…"

He came closer to us and Heero wrapped one arm around him, bringing the three of us together in an embrace. Staring into the inky depths of onyx, I clasped his hand tightly.

"I won't leave."

He gave me a tight nod as his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I love you."

"_We_ love you." Heero corrected, his strong arms tightening around us.

"I-I know." I replied. "I-I love you too."

I got kissed then by a very passionate Wufei and did my best to return them. "Come back to bed?" Wufei sighed against my cheek.

"Yeah." And I let Heero lead us back inside, towards the warmth. Wrapped in their arms, for the first time since ever, I felt complete.

Behind us, the sun emerged with its blinding brilliance, signaling a new day.

And that was the real beginning of the rest of our lives.

END

Comments? J


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